I miss you napud. soo much.

some days are bearable, some days are heavier

i know wa koy right mag whine

kay between the two of us, you're the one who's in actual physical pain.🥺

sorry, i feel selfish when i write down these feelings to you,

but its true.

i miss you, but 

if taking a step back and loving you from afar 

gives you the space you need, the time to think, the strength to fight, the time to recognize your worth, and the love you deserve

then it will all be worth it. 

all the days i stopped myself when i wished to call and know how you're doing

all the nights i missed telling you i love you before i go to sleep

all the times i didnt give in to the ache of finding ways to see you.

all these will be worth it, if in the end you get to see yourself the way i see you. 💛

you are more than enough to hold on to.

I miss everything about you. 🥺🥺🥺

part 2

so yes, everything in me still hopes and believes that

one day the universe will let us be in each other's lives again.

until then, i hope you continue to be brave and fight, okay?

i hope you continue to be gentle with yourself 

as you learn to love again all the parts that you started to doubt

and i too will do the same.

until one day, one of us will call and the other one will be ready to answer. 💛

for now, i will not let a day go by without you knowing that you are loved, 

that you are cared for, and thought of every day and night

i won't let a day go by without you knowing that i'm not going anywhere.

im not delulu, i know you might not be here till we're 80, 

i know you might not be there for the rest of my story,

but i will do everything i can to be deserving to be a part of yours. 

i used to be fine when they said "people come and go"

or when i said "they're either a blessing or a lesson"

or when they're just here "for a chapter or a season"

but not with you.

it all changed when i met you,

it changed when i felt how it is to love you.

i don't think i'll ever be fine with you being a short, unfinished chapter, when you were meant to be the rest of the story. 🥺

hi. good morning! 🥲

it's monday, and one more day mag May na dayun!

i dunno how the days feel for you

are they slow or fast too?

sa akoa the days are fast but the nights are dragging

maybe because sa gabie mas dghan time mag overthink? Lol joke

actually these days, ive tried my best to surrender, para di na mag cge overthink. 

not surrender nga give up ha, surrender nga i will still do my part, 

do what i can but allow God and universe to do the rest

i know wa man koy control sa time

wa koy control sa timing

wa koy control how other people would act or not act

even akong wishes and hopes for you and for us, ako rana gi lift up ni Lord.

i don't even know if you can still read my messages, comments sa stories, or anything at all

but i won't stop doing all that

those are the things i can do and i can control,

and if there's even a small chance that one message, or one story, or one sunset picture can make you smile, or brighten your mood, or turn your day around then i'll risk it.

that said, i have nothing but good wishes for your day. :)

if it's dialysis day, i hope the entire routine is getting bearable, if not easier.

be gentle on yourself today, okay?

someone from afar loves you and thinks you're amaziiing. 🥹💛💛💛

i wish we can go back to that time

when we were pointlessly flirting and joking around 🥹

when every message we send each other brings the widest smiles to our faces 🥲

when every pick-up line warrants a bunch of heart emojis, 💛💛💛

and makes our heartbeats skip a little bit

when every call that pops up your name makes me excited and giggle like a little girl. 🙈

i wish we can go back to that time

when we're almost too sure we'll be with each other in this lifetime. 🥹

i can imagine how most days it's hard to believe that you are worthy

it's hard to see the things that other people see in you.

its far from easy

when you are so used to seeing the parts that you hated, the parts that you wished were healed, 

when we are so used to fighting our own battles, when we are so used to being the ones who compromise, who gives in, 

when we are so used to being the ones who give all

but not appreciated, and not loved the same way.

we don't ever get to see our worth

we don't ever get to see what we deserve

i know taking the blinders off will be entirely up to you but ill be here hoping with you..

I hope that someday you will see what i see you when i look at you, 🥹

someday you will get to see how amaziiing, how beautiful, how special you are. 🥹

but until then, i won't stop trying to remind you.

you made some people's lives better just by existing.

you made my life better just by being in it. 🥹💛

you are worth showing up for, you are worth waiting for, you are worth not giving up on. 💛

someday you will get to fall in love with yourself all over again.

and i hope i can be there to see your spark and the way your eyes lights up 🥹💛

but if you ever need to...

we can watch a movie

we don't have to talk

you don't have to explain what it is you're feeling

we can just sit beside each other

just like old times

we can go out for coffee

or you can have matcha or tea

we can go to one of those new cafe

if it helps, we can just get a view of the sea

we can go for a drive and listen to music

we can just cruise around,

and you can put your strength down.

you don't need to say anything

maybe for awhile we can forget everything.

we can even open our windows

and feel the cold night as the wind blows

we can do any of these

with no subtext, no expectation of something more

i will sit with you,

you can just hold my hand, if you ever need to

because im still the same girl you met in december

who promised you that she's not going anywhere.

i'll be here to cheer you on when you're full of courage to fight

but more than anything, i will be here on the days when it's a bit harder, or when some things don't feel right. 

you will always, always have me either way. 💛

and my hand will always be ready for yours.

God, and even the stars, know how much i miss you

but knowing that you exist, that you're surviving, is enough for me right now

because i love you more than my need to talk to you

i love you more than my need to be with you. 💛

forget long distance,

for you remind me that even in silence, love is never wasted. 💛

thank you for being a constant reminder of how unconditional love can be.

hmm i love you. 

nag fistula naka finally?

if so, im glad for you

it would help make it easier mg lihok2x diba

and mas safe kay dili prone sa hugaw or infection

labanay lang jud sa ugat. 🙏

bisan i know you might not respond,

laban lang japon sa pag msg.

at least cguro you'll know that i still care a lot

hmm thank you for sharing and posting how you're doing ha.

ari ra kos layu praying for you, wishing for you

mgkatawa ko ba kay throughout the day, everyday

kapila ko maka tan-aw sa oras nga timing angel numbers, from morning till night

(karon gale 3:33)

and each time, you are always included in my wishes.

basta lang, tuo man gani tag zodiac hehe 

walay ramay mawala if we make a wish... 🥲

hi. friday na sad.

each week is just flying by

but i hope each day, each week brings me closer to the day i get to see you

i wonder what your day is like or gonna be like today

is it a calm, slow morning..

is it busy kay dialysis day..

i wonder how the dialysis has been,

how your heart has been..

naa ra japon ko sa sulod? aww charot jokee hahahha 

i remember sulti ni doc nga di ka pwede mubuhakhak katawa 

ig magkita ta, pwede kaha ko mg hirit or mg joke hehehe

im sure ga buhakhak ka sa mga vids sa feed so i guess safe ra. 🥲

i've been working from home this week

nag renovate sa new room sa office gud

but monday naa ang CEO, mygosh, mag 1on1 daw with selected people.

if we we're still talking, ichika ko ni nimo nga makuyawan ko

and then you'll say it's gonna be okay and ayaw ka-stress. hehe 

so i'll just think of that and try not to be. 🥹

ikaw kaha, i wonder if naa kay other things gihunahuna

thoughts and things that you can't say out loud or share to anyone

i still don't know if nibalik ka sa work or wala nah

sometimes i think, apil cguro ni sa preparation and time gihatag ni Lord 

maybe tungod He knows its gonna be a long road ahead, physically, mentally, emotionally, ug uban pang "lly", even financially

so this is Him giving time to prepare

naa japon sa akong plan to make an income nga dili from trabaho

that way i would have the means and time freedom pohon ug kung ibalik mn ka ni Lord sa akong kamot, i can be there for you better, sa tanan "lly"

even if some days you'd rather fight your own battles, 

i won't fight them for you or with you, but i'll be right there ready in case you reach out for my hand.

hays nana sad ning layu kayg lagpot nga hunahuna, 

im sure if maka basa ka ani you'd understand kung way thought organization brad. :)

anyway, i hope the world is gentle on you today. 

like you said, even if all you do today is survive,

im still proud of you. 

i miss you everyday.

hmm, i love you. 💛

i'm not leaving

I dont know how to let you know

that im not leaving, im not moving on

i know i needed to take a few steps back,

i know what's most important right now, 

and i want you to have the peace that you need to focus on that

but i will never stop caring about you

im still admiring and praying and loving you from afar

i know you need to be by yourself

but i hope you still know,

that my hand is ready to hold you.

and despite the distance,

im grateful to have you in my life.

if not for you, i wouldn't have this amount of love and hope in my heart

if not for you, i wouldn't know i was even capable of that. 

i will never stop hoping to be a part of your life again

for there's nothing i want more than to see you live, 

to witness your life.

and if im blessed, pohon i can be there to experience the rest of this life with you. 🥹💛

i miss taking videos of you 🥹

i miss your voice and your singing.

all the videos katong ga videoke ta naa sa imong phone. 🥺

Ps: happy birthday to your mom.❤️🎂 Im thankful she had you and she raised a genuine, thoughtful, and loving you. 💛

it doesn't matter how we started 

or how things are right now

loving you will never feel wrong to me.

I know you loved me to your fullest capacity 💛

I know you still do 

If i end up with a list of things to question God, i know your love will never be one of them.

and i love you to this day, with the fullest of mine.

it doesn't matter how long its been

what time it is, or what im doing

call me if you need me

call me if you miss me

call me if you need to hear a familiar voice

call me even if you can't find the words to say

i will pick up, i will understand

i will know what you mean

Even if we don't say anything.

i miss you a bit harder today. 🥺💛

i don't know how things are gonna be

i don't know what's gonna happen

I can't even promise you a gentle or the best life

but i can promise you this,

i will never stop trying.

because when you find the one who's worthy

you never give up. 💛

one of my favorite videos of us.🥲

this was on my drafts. this made me smile. 🥹

if i write you a letter every single time i thought of you,

every single time i miss you,

i'd have multiple entries a day 🥲

and i'd need to get  an extra storage for this blog. lol

that said, i'm thinking of you today. 

i hope something makes you feel loved, 

a little thing makes you feel hopeful,

and i hope you find a reason/reasons to smile today. 🥲

hmm, i love you. 💛

"Yes, I'm a mess but I'm blessed

to be stuck with you

I just want you to know that

if I could, I swear I'll go back

Make everything all better."

this was the song you shared yesterday

and it stuck with me

because it hit home.

if only i can say those lines to you. 💛

throwback to the 2nd letter i wrote to you, while you were sleeping. 💛

i read back and found dghana na diay ani entries oy 

and you had no idea 🥺 

this one i wrote to you in january.

and my feelings hasn't changed after everything. 

if anything, im more sure of you now

no matter how short or long this lifetime is

and if God permits, i wont stop trying to make you feel more loved than when we first met.

--------

today, as i watch you sleep 

i know now i want to be the person who get to do that for the rest of your life

we've both been through a lot

some dark days we almost couldn't deal

the kind of hell we know too well

inspite all that, we both survived

knowing you, being with you

has showed me enough proof to believe two people can be destined to meet

you came at a point in my life where i was healing

at a place where i was ready to give it all again

and i came into yours when you were ready to try again

days with you felt like months,

and we even joked that our first month felt like 2 years!

you've opened up to me faster than you've opened up to anyone before

and getting to know all those parts of you made me fall in love with you more and more

today as i watch you sleep

i know now i want to be there for the good days and the bad

i want to be the arms you fall asleep in

i want to be the person you wake up to, morning, afternoon, or night

i know now i want to be there through every petty fight

every scary what ifs, every funny bits

you make me believe that even two scarred people can heal and laugh again

today as i watch you sleep

i know now i want to be there for the amazing sunsets and for the slow days 

i want to be there for the high and the sick days

i want to be there for every stubborn moments

i want to be there to remind you to eat when you also do the same because i don't

i want to be your rest, while you are the one who quiets the screams in my head

today as i watch you sleep

i know now i want to spend every possible waking moment with you

i want to be your safe place just as you are my peace

i want to love you and never stop showing you

today, tonight, and for as long as i have you.

i love you.

-the other yellow

i don't know bitaw unsaon pag kumusta nimo 

i genuinely want to know how you are 🥺

no agenda, way hisgotay ug about natong duha. 

i didn't realize low japon imong vitals 😥

i just assumed ang dialysis kay naka improve sa numbers or at least man lang naka pa stable.

wa koy mabuhat jd :( 

i will continue praying for you and rooting for you. 

i'm sorry couldn't be there for you better, 🥺

good morning! 🥲

couldn't sleep last night, na kadlawanan kog tuyok2x sa bed

maybe it was the late night walk.

i realize hapit na dayun mahoman ang april

mid next week May na! 

i remember few months ago, layo pamn kayo to kung magstorya tag april.

i never told you this but remember in january katong nagtalk ta nga ganahan ka mg bora

i wanted to check if i can take you there for your birthday,

but then weeks after nag storya ta nga you don't like surprises kay you want naka andam ka or naka planned ang mga butang, so i never booked or planned anything yet.

and then you got sick 

and then i remember dghan pa kag places ganahan i visit or balikan

so i checked how travel would be like while ga dialysis and possibli mn diay. 

as long as di lang ma disrupt ang schedule, like in another center or mauli before sa next sched, etc.

anyway, i dunno. cguro that time maybe i already started to accept it? and i failed to realize you were still processing everything. i was stupid back then.

and i was already so sure i will stay, and that i'll be there in the next months/years so i started checking and researching how life will be like, what you'll need, what to expect, how a partner or loved ones can help/support through all that.

i never told you, i even checked how to be a kidney donor, just in case. 

like what my health should look like in order to qualify, stuff like that. 

anyway, hay ngano naabot akong storya diha. 

cguro i guess i just didn't think that time that i won't be present months later while you go through all this

i've read a lot of things, but maybe it didn't sink in enough how it would really be like for you. i was so naive. 🫤

anywaaay, this is just me thinking out loud. not the usual love letter or poem for you.

we'll see if i'll end up deleting this or not.

if weeks, months from now you can read this, then i guess it stayed.

good morning again. its april 22nd, i hope you slept okay. 🥹

and i hope today will turn out to be one of the good days! 🙂

hmm, i love you. 💛

hmm how is it possible that seeing your face and your smile makes me sooo happy and nakatabang sa kamingaw, 

yet, it ALSO makes me miss you more. 🥺

Unsaon nako pag ingon nimoo? 

How can i let you know? 

I miss you beh, kaaayoo. 🥺🥺🥺

hi my little warrior. 🥹

mura kog buang ga smile looking at your face.

I missed you. 

I still love your smile, maski half smirk ra. lol

I take it you're okay..

are you back na kaha sa balay for good..

I hope you are.

coz maybe that means mka saka2x naka sa taas,

or that means your more stable now and better..

or naka adapt na new routine sa imong dialysis.

Whatever it means, i'm just happy to see you smile bisan once in awhile. 🥹💛

Hmm i love you. 

"Love doesn't make you feel unworthy -- no, love teaches you that you are worth everything and more."

If there's one thing i hope our love taught you,

let it be to believe that you, you are worth everything.

Since day one, i knew you are worth the world

i must've told you that more than a hundred times by now.

ig basa nimo ani, kapoyon na guro kag paminaw.🥲

Since day one, you made me feel valued and safe,

enough to make me share parts i've never shared with anyone else.

You made me see how good it could be.

And since then, i promised you will always have me.

With you, I feel hopeful

I feel even in the most stressful or low day, there's always something to love and be grateful for.

With you, I didn't just feel loved, I felt worthy. I felt seen.

And I knew I'll never stop trying to make you feel the same. 💛

You're back homeeee. 🥹🥹🥹

"Do you ever think how crazy it is that your paths crossed with someone? Like the sequence of events that had to occur for you to meet them and be involved in each others life.. absoulutely wild."

yes..its crazy and wild. could it be fate? serendipity? could it be the red string theory?

i dunno. but i will always be grateful every day that I get to know you. 🥹

so many things could have kept us from meeting each other

so many things could have kept us from existing together

you are miles away yet somehow we found each other

and i will always be grateful for that.

i will always be grateful for you. 🥲

so i will be here, to see you again,

to meet you again, to show you how much i love you, again. 💛💛💛

hi.

i still wake up with things to tell you

so i will write letters and love poems to you

i still go about my day wondering how you are,

hoping you're okay, wondering if its a good day

i still find myself smiling and laughing at things 

that i know would've have made you smile and laugh hard too

i still find myself looking forward to sunsets, thinking of you

looking forward to the life i can do with you

i still find myself loving you day in and day out

with the same intensity, if not more.

so yeah, i will keep doing these things, 

even without you knowing, even from afar.

for when the times comes my hope is that you'd know,

that even in silence, 

i'll never miss a chance to let you know how much i loved you.

Hi. i love you. 💛💛💛

i wish it's still january

when there was just you and me

i wish it's january

so i can chat you, and get a message back right away

i wish it's january

so i can hear you laugh at my joke, even when its corny

i wish it's january

so i don't count the days that you've been away

i wish it's january

so i can look at my passenger seat without feeling that its empty

i wish it's stilll january

so i can always see your smile, hold hands,

and not worry about the rest of the days. 🥺

I miss you so much today.

I tried to think of other things para makwaan bisan gamay, coz id like to imagine that you're okay lng diha and you're better, or at least like you said "trying". 💛

Went for night walks na lately kay duka ko morning usahay, esp if late makasleep. 

And i wanted to see the sunsets sad sa afternoon since your birthday.

I was thinking basin dialysis day today

But i couldnt check in on you. 

Last week niagi ko sa coffee shop sa gun-ob.

Naa si sophia ga bantay. I didnt stop or talk or anything.

Im not sure how you'd feel if mag ask ko nila about you.

I was hoping nga kung ikaw na ang ready mu contact, you would. So ill respect that.

I just wish i know how you're doing.

I really, really miss you. 🥺

I was there. 🥹💛

I can't pretend that that wasn't real,

That what we had didn't mean as much as it did,

That you didn't love me as much as you did,

Because I was there.

I saw the way you looked at me. 🥺

It was love. 

It was quiet, it was calm.

But I felt it.

It was there.

So forgive me for not letting you go, beh.

For holding on to one of the purest love i've felt in this lifetime. 

I will get hurt, i know that. whether its soon or in 5, 10 or 20 years.

But don't you see? I get to love you. 

And that joy of loving you outweighs any pain of eventually losing you.🥺

So no, I can't pretend that I can ever unlearn loving you. 

I even talked to God about you.

So for now I'll wait, and I'll love you from afar, 💛

Until i get lucky again to hold you in my hand. 🥹

Sunsets will forever remind me of you. 🥹💛💛💛

i wish i wrote this. this one's for you.🥹

i spent my whole life thinking that love 

was something you had to earn,

something you had to fight to get,

and suffer to keep

something that made you give up pieces of yourself

for another human being

but then you showed up

and you reminded me that love is easy

-loving you is easy

you showed me that it can walk into your life

on a Tuesday afternoon and say, 

"you, I pick you."

not because of who you are

or what you do

but because I want to love every version of you. 💛

you showed up

like no one ever had

and showed me that love isn't so bad.

-it's kind of sweet, actually.

am i crazy, for trying to know how you're doing or how you're feeling 

through your posts and notes? lol 🥲

that said, i'm glad your smiling this morning. 😊😊😊

i'd give anything to see that smile again. 🥹

Sending good vibes for you today! 💛💛💛

I love you. Aww  hehehe

one of the best things?

i think one of the best things about us was that

we never had to pretend.

from the very start,

you showed me all your scars

and i showed you mine

i shared the softest, and weakest, parts of me

and you shared yours.

together or apart, we can do our own thing

we didn't have to be scared that one of us would leave,

when we showed the sides of us that the others hated.

we weren't even trying to save each other

we were just trying to love, 

that we ended up healing parts of us together.

we are not supposed to heal from each other.

and that's how i knew that it was not the end,

that that was not goodbye,

that we are not supposed to move on or leave.

i promised that you are it for me in this lifetime.

so i'll wait, until you feel safe again to slip your fingers into mine. 💛💛💛

sometimes i cry when i write to you,

i cry when i write about you

thank you for being you.

i can't help it, crybaby baya

but don't worry, they were tears of joy 🥹

except the ones where i miss you. hehe 🥲

sometimes i think, gimingaw ba kaha sad to sya nako kron sah.🥲

Lines i wish i wrote. 💛

"you haven't lost who you are, you're just different now and that's okay." 🥲

"I saw you in my dreams again, I held you a little tighter because I knew when I would wake up you'd be gone." 🥺 (dreamt of you again last night)

"and whenever I dream of you, I try desperately to carry you back into the world as I wake."

"give me a few days of peace in your arms. I'm ragged, worn, exhausted. After that, I can face the world."

"the walls we build that protect us from getting hurt are the same walls that push us away from being loved."

"I knew I did from that first moment we talked. It was...not love at first hello exactly, but - familiarity. Like: oh hello, it's you. It's going to be you. Game over."  💛

i would rather love the right one too fast than the wrong person too long.

falling for you that fast should have been more scary, but it wasn't.

instead it felt like everything clicked and we were destined to meet.

Its funny how this love definitely came without warning,

coz we felt it before we even knew each other's name.🥹

i wanna watch sunsets with you too. 🥲

apir bebeeeh crybaby hehe

you're one of the most genuine people i know 

so i know that when you love, you do it with all your heart. 

i was lucky enough to have experienced and felt that love. 🥹💛

by the way, kita kog malapascua clip today. i thought of you.

that was one of the places i really wanted to go kay wa pako kaadto,

one of the places we planned to go, remember.

Lami guro kaau sunset didto.

wala lang, i just thought of you. 

I still miss you. 💛

small things

"what's a small thing I do that you secretly love everytime I do it?"

the way you lean on my shoulder while i'm driving 👉👈🥹

the way you put your phone down when you're done and gently slip your fingers into my hand 🙈

the way you let me hold your knee or your leg even for a little bit, or how you try to endure ang gilok when i insist to run my hand on your arm. 

the way you whine "beeeh" or "ayaw lang beeeeh" when i ask you to sing for me, but you still end up singing anyway.💛

the way you chose the sweetest songs that describe how we met or how we ended up in each other's life

the way you just smile when you don't know what to say, or when you are grateful but you feel thank you wasn't enough (but even without words, i know how you felt) 🥲

just the way you smile. 🥹🥹🥹

the way magsugat imong kilay when i stared at you too long, or when i give you a compliment. hahahaa 🥲

the way you call me at random times, anytime - like talking to me would start, end, and complete your day.

the way you casually plan things we can do, even if they're the most maundane things (movie ta later if di pa ka sleepy, or eat ta sa gawas ig gabie)

the way you are always game to play my silly games, knock knock jokes 

the way you never dismiss me or any of my stupid ideas even if you know how it's gonna end. lol 

the way you do your best to share your life, your thoughts, your feelings with me when i know it's something that you are not used to do. (this is one of the big things actually, thank you) 🥹💛

the way you try your hardest to answer all my headache-inducing questions and how you end up with the most profound, genuine, and oftentimes the sweetest responses! (this one too.) 💛

the way you enjoy doing the normal, boring things with me

the way you always say yes to trying new things with me (this one too.) 🥹

i guess the small things were just big for me.

No wonder i love youuu. 🥹💛

 

missing you comes in waves. tonight i'm drowning. 🥺

it's another monday, ga dialysis kaha ka today? i'm always praying and wishing you well every single day. it's been weeks since we saw each other, since we talked. and God knows I miss that, I missed you. Some days i would see a post or a reel that i knew you'd like or you'd find funny but i can't share them to you. some days i remember a conversation we had, or a funny thing you said, or something about you that you shared and i would go back and re read them. 

and i'd remember how genuine you were, how pure your heart was. 💛

and then i'd remember all the reasons why i fell in love with you.

i'm sorry if i ever contributed to the hurt in your heart. 🥺

when you told me you were tired, i swore from that day, that i'll be here for you and love you without it ever hurting you again.

i'll love you in the way you need it to be right now. 💛

i'll have my hand ready to hold you if you'll need it.

i'll be one chat, one message, one call away,

i'll love you in silence, until this love finds its way, and then it will stay.

so for now i will keep writing to you, until i get another chance to sit with you, hold your hand and say all this to you. 💛

you make me read through the lines of your songs. today you shared this song. Did u just like the song? Or karelate ba kaha ka? Or did i cross your mind when u listen to it? 

Hay ma feelingera nalng pud ko lol  🥲

This is nice. can i say these back to you? 🥹

-------------------------

I'm glad we crashed and burned

I know we'll be there for each other

When we're feeling fucked up, anxious, too much

But I'll love you like you need me to

Imperfect for you

messy, completely distressed

But I'm not like that since I met you

Imperfect for you

I wanna go back to the time when you first told me your name. 🥺💛

...and weeks later, when I told you mine. 

I miss you, Kyle. 🥺

If you ever find yourself wanting to talk

thumbs over my name, a message half typed out

please don't hesitate 🥺

and if you ever find yourself wanting to call

know that i will always answer your call

please don't think twice

even if you just want to say hi.

I will always be right here. Always. 💛

Months ago we stayed up till 3am talking,

And today i can't even say hey. 

I wish i could call you now and hear your voice

But i know deep down i would understand why you wouldn't answer. 🥺

But even then, a huge part of me still prays you would. 

I miss you. Kaayo. 🫂

And now there are songs I cannot listen to without hearing you. 

These are for you.

Ang sky taas sa dagat was pink and purple and blue and then the other side turned into this perfect hues of sunset colors. I cant choose just one picture. It was an amazing sunset. I hope you had an amazing birthday pd. I wished you couldve seen these. I know you would've have loved these colors. 🥹 These are for you. 

Happy birthday. 💙💜🩷❤️🧡💛

Perfect sunset, finally. 🥹 Happy birthday. 💛💛💛

A lot of things ari ra nako ma sulti ug ma share, bisan dili ko sure if mabasahan ba jud ni nimo pohon. 

if mabasahan mn gali, pan-os na kaau. 

Hi beh, it's me. if you end up reading this pohon, birthday nimo today. 

wala tay contact for awhile now, but obviously i say things i want to say to you here.

I really want to see you on your birthday. 

if naka basa naka sa uban letters, you probably saw that i tried painting na.

I don't know if decente ra ba toh to give to you or wa ra ray lami. 

Ganahan pa unta ko mag practice maayo but I don't know when pa ang next special day nga i'll have a reason to give these things to you. :(

I wish i know what you're thinking.

I'm happy seeing you positive sa imong birthday post. :)

I don't want to ruin your mood or your birthday sa pagpamugos 

But if I don't try, i know i'll regret it tomorrow and the days ahead. 😢

Maybe u don't want to talk to me or see me yet, pero i'm really hoping exemption lang unta today.. 

You've always been more than enough. 

I'm so proud of you too, beh. 🥹

I miss you. Happy Birthday!💛💛💛

Ps: I soo love your smile 🥹 

and i love seeing it on you..🥰🥰🥰

Happy Birthday! 💛💛💛

Happy birthday, beh. 💛

God knows how much i want to spend today and the rest of my lifetime with you.

I would give anything to make this all a bad dream, and continue to grow old with you. 

You know how much I've been looking forward to this day,

This was supposed to be one of the first of many.

But God and life clearly has other plans. 

When you decided to end things, it shattered me. 

But when the tears stopped and the blur was lifted, 

I saw that it was the most selfless thing anyone could do

it was the most selfless act of love there is,

and God, i didn't know I could love you even more for it. 💛

I was nursing my own pain that I didn't see how much that decision was hurting you too.🥺 

I'm so sorry.

I don't know what tomorrow or the next days are gonna be, but I know I'll be waiting here where you left me.

Today, on your birthday, I'm not even sure what to wish for you.

I don't know what you're thinking, I don't know what you're feeling right now.

I wanted so bad to be selfish and beg you to please fight, fight until you cannot fight anymore.

Because some days I'm scared. But I know that if I really love you, I wouldn't make that decision for you.😢

So for your birthday today, there are things I wouldn't wish for you.

i wouldn't wish for a very long life, if it means you'd be living that life in pain and discomfort.

i wouldn't wish for a a happy life, if you'll be living it by other people's standard, and not the happiness that you want.

But what i wish for you is hope, i wish that you will always find a reason each night to wake up the next day with hope and something to look forward to.

i wish you comfort, i wish that you get to spend most of your days with less and less hurt and more and more relief.

i wish you peace, that no noise or chaos will be enough to disturb the peace that you feel.

i wish you continue to be brave, for none of us will ever know how much strength you have to muster every single day.

i wish you'll heal, not just from the sickness but from all the emotional and mental wounds you had to endure. 

i wish you heal that your scars would no longer serve as a reminder of the pain, but as a reminder of the growth while you we're going through the healing.

and lastly, i wish you contentment, that you continue living a life that you choose and not one that you just accepted and settled for because of your circumstance. I wish that you get to live the next days doing things that actually matters to you, a life that makes your own heart happy and content, a life where you appreciate every sunset for it means its an end to a beautiful day. 

Beh, I wish you'd be a bit selfish too. Because you have all the right to be.

i wish you'd let people hold you and love you, even if you couldn't give the same amount of it back.

I wish you'd take up space in this world, because you deserve to be a huge part of people's lives.

Please never underestimate the hole your absence would leave.

We all love you.

I love youuu kaayooo. Happy Birthday, Beh! 🌻💛💛💛

"If you love someone, you tell them."

Life definitely taught us how precious and fleeting each day is

So i won't take another day for granted without telling you this.

I love you.

I never stopped loving you. 💛

I fell in love with you in a heartbeat.

And i will stay in love with you.

i must've written this a thousand times already since we met,

but that's really it. You're it. 

And if it all ended tomorrow?  

Yes, you would be on my mind.

I can't call you and tell you all this.

But i know what we have is true

I know wherever you are, no matter how much distance and silence we have right now, in your heart you knew how much i loved you and how i still do. 🥹

if only you can read these letters to you beh, 

i dunno if you'll be glad, amused, or annoyed lol

i dont know what tricks the universe has on us

but some days, i would have a letter written at night for you and then i'd see you post something along the same lines. 

last night algorithm took me to posts about soulmates and i found this old quote that i read years ago.

"i don't want to be the other half of your soul. i want to be the one who reminds you that you're already whole."

and then karon i just saw your note. Sa tanan nimo gidala ron, I can only imagine how lost you feel some days, or how much of your old self you feel is missing. 

so today maybe the last thing you need is a reminder.

maybe today you just needed to say it out loud to get there. 💛

and i want that for you too, i hope you get to find all those pieces in you.

i just wish i know the kind of support that you need, the kind of love that you want. and i will learn that language while i hold your hand. 🥹💛

Loving you is peaceful, like everything just falls into place,  apologies come sincerely, so is honesty, misunderstandings resolve itself, conversations -- even silence is easy, and effort didn't feel like a chore or duty.

And time, time meant nothing coz only the present mattered when i'm with you.

Falling in love with you was so effortless, it wasn't crazy.

You made me believe that love shouldn't be.

You made me see how it's supposed to be when it's right,

You made me feel how calm it can be even in a silly fight.

I may not be your first and you were not mine, 

but for me this love is the first of its kind.

The kind that makes me believe that we are both worthy,

The kind of love that stays

And its the kind of love that could never make me walk away.  💛

Dialysis day ba today? 

Its been almost a month mn diay noh.

I wonder if naka adjust naka slowly? I wonder if hinay2x naka naka adapt sa food? 

Nag save and ng research baya ko mga recipes nga safe for you.

Basta lng. I want to be ready for you 

I know i can't take away any of the pain or discomfort

But i thought cguro at least mn lang i can show up for you where it can help?

I dunno. I just though pohon if i can make you smile or happy maski sa food then thats worth it for me.

I hope today wasn't so bad. 🥲

Even with the silence, i hope you know you're still on my mind and in my plans.💛

I still remember pag february pa to nga imo gi research jd why ga cge kag kitkit ug ice and you found sign diay sya nga ubos kag iron. 

Mao na diay to sya isa sa obvious signs sa imong anemia.

Pagophagia na diay to ba.

I dont know how you're doing these days but im always hoping and praying you're well, inspite sa tanan. 🥹💛