Happy Birthday! 💛💛💛

Happy birthday, beh. 💛

God knows how much i want to spend today and the rest of my lifetime with you.

I would give anything to make this all a bad dream, and continue to grow old with you. 

You know how much I've been looking forward to this day,

This was supposed to be one of the first of many.

But God and life clearly has other plans. 

When you decided to end things, it shattered me. 

But when the tears stopped and the blur was lifted, 

I saw that it was the most selfless thing anyone could do

it was the most selfless act of love there is,

and God, i didn't know I could love you even more for it. 💛

I was nursing my own pain that I didn't see how much that decision was hurting you too.🥺 

I'm so sorry.

I don't know what tomorrow or the next days are gonna be, but I know I'll be waiting here where you left me.

Today, on your birthday, I'm not even sure what to wish for you.

I don't know what you're thinking, I don't know what you're feeling right now.

I wanted so bad to be selfish and beg you to please fight, fight until you cannot fight anymore.

Because some days I'm scared. But I know that if I really love you, I wouldn't make that decision for you.😢

So for your birthday today, there are things I wouldn't wish for you.

i wouldn't wish for a very long life, if it means you'd be living that life in pain and discomfort.

i wouldn't wish for a a happy life, if you'll be living it by other people's standard, and not the happiness that you want.

But what i wish for you is hope, i wish that you will always find a reason each night to wake up the next day with hope and something to look forward to.

i wish you comfort, i wish that you get to spend most of your days with less and less hurt and more and more relief.

i wish you peace, that no noise or chaos will be enough to disturb the peace that you feel.

i wish you continue to be brave, for none of us will ever know how much strength you have to muster every single day.

i wish you'll heal, not just from the sickness but from all the emotional and mental wounds you had to endure. 

i wish you heal that your scars would no longer serve as a reminder of the pain, but as a reminder of the growth while you we're going through the healing.

and lastly, i wish you contentment, that you continue living a life that you choose and not one that you just accepted and settled for because of your circumstance. I wish that you get to live the next days doing things that actually matters to you, a life that makes your own heart happy and content, a life where you appreciate every sunset for it means its an end to a beautiful day. 

Beh, I wish you'd be a bit selfish too. Because you have all the right to be.

i wish you'd let people hold you and love you, even if you couldn't give the same amount of it back.

I wish you'd take up space in this world, because you deserve to be a huge part of people's lives.

Please never underestimate the hole your absence would leave.

We all love you.

I love youuu kaayooo. Happy Birthday, Beh! 🌻💛💛💛