This sound though. 🖤🥹

now i can't find the words to say
and i can hear so well, your lovely voice inside my head
saying you love me
that'll be the perfect balance between loud and clear
but i only think of you

and i don't wanna be okay without you.

-----------------

ikaw ga introduce nako ani nga song. 🥹

some days, i don't wanna be okay.

but on the others, im starting to be okay.

cause i have to be. right? 🥲

you know what, even from the start 

you never made me feel like i was less than anything.

you made me feel beautiful, pretty smart even 🤓 

you made me feel im more than enough

you made me feel wise, intelligent.

you even made me feel like im an amazing and invincible human lol

like i can do anything and everything i put my heart into

you made me feel brave every time you told me how much you are proud of me 🥹

you never made me feel any doubt, and not once did i question your sincerity. 🥲

with you, i never had to pretend i was lovable, or to be someone i wasn't. 🥹

i don't know why i suddenly remember all these

i said i want to be okay with remembering,

and i guess remembering all these puts a smile on my face and tears in my eyes. Happy tears, dont worry. 🥹

you were the shortest chapter of my heart,

yet you made me feel the most things. 🥲

i will always thank God for you life,

and i hope i have touched your life, even for a fraction of how you touched mine. 🥲

laban ra ha. 😉

always sending good thoughts from here. 😊

from the drafts, april 1.

i miss when it was difficult to get out of bed because you were in it.
instead, it is now difficult to get out of bed because i have to face a world without you in it."

"a relationship is about inventing your own language. you've got jokes, you've got the songs, you have this anecdote that's going to make you laugh weeks or months later. it's this language that you build. that's what you mourn for when you're losing someone you love. this language you're not going to speak with anybody else."

"i've tried imagining life without you, it breaks my heart, every single time."

"i don't want to forget, i want to be okay with remembering."

--------------------

I guess im finally okay with remembering. 🥹

You know you really love someone,

when you don't hate them for breaking your heart.

For my favorite person,

I wish and pray that you live the rest of this lifetime softly

I pray that life will start to get easier forward

I pray for peace, and a life free of this world's noise and people's chaos.

I pray you're happy, with the little things.

And i pray that your heart will feel full again,

even if I am not there.

I love seeing you smile. I love seeing you happy.

I love our short chapter. Coz what we had was beautiful.

I believe i'll always have a piece of my heart caring for you,  loving you,

even if my future might no longer have you in it.

I met you when i was not looking for you,

and lost you when i loved you the most.

But its okay. Coz we know what matters more.

And if friendship is the kind of connection and support you need in this journey then count me in, friend.

i'd be honored to still get to be a part of your life and witness you live the rest of your lifetime.

You will always, always have me. 🫡💛

"there's a version of us

somewhere that survived."

I know right now we might be better off as friends, and i know the last thing you need is a romantic partner to care for when you need to focus more on yourself, but this line makes my sentimental heart somewhat hopeful and happy. 

I love that we happened. And if there's a parallel universe, and there's a version of us that made it, 

then i guess thats kind of a beautiful thought. 🥹

I would've loved you in any universe. 🥲

I dont know when you can read this or if you would ever get to read this but

today is exactly 3 months after you ended things.

and i got a message from you.

na shocked ko, but very happy.

happy to know you're alive, and okay and maka katawa pa and joke2x sa chat  lol

I missed that goofy, playful side of you  hehe

and somehow without talking about some things specifically, i still got some of the answers i needed.

your health, your job, your day, your feelings and thoughts about what i used to obsess over (which is finding you and seeing you).

Im glad you are still enjoying mga bawal in moderation

life is getting too short to not enjoy some of the good things, or see the things that make us giddy or happy.

Pohon pohon, we'll see. I hope even in small ways, i can make you see or experience some of these good things.

So laag nya ta ha. 

Or if you are reading this in a year or so, then i hope nakalaag nata hahaha 😊

Take care of yourself pirmeee friend. 💛

tamang relapse lang at 2am.

i miss when we were still friends.🥺

i hope ours is not.

I remember, even on our lazy days, 

i never feel like i am wasting time with you

you never made me feel like i have to do more, or be more

yet being with you and looking at a future with you

made me want to do more, and be better -- for us.

i never felt like i need to, but you make me want to. 

you make me want to show you how good it can be,

how good life can possibly be.

you make me hope,

you planted that in my heart.

now i just wish hope was enough.

coz before, i know you've tried closing the doors

but lately it feels like you've locked them.

and for once, i hope my feelings are wrong. 🥺

i think it's unfair how everybody gets a piece of you but me,

i don't get to hear about your day,

and you don't get to hear about mine either.

everybody gets to hear your voice,

the sound i'd recognize in any room

i think it's unfair how everybody gets a piece of you but me,

funny coz i used to have the most of you,

and now i have the very least.

And even if i do understand, it doesn't make it hurt less.

there are people out there who would go to the end of the earth for you.

there are people out there who would care about you so much if they were ever given a change to get to know your kind heart.

there are people out there who will promise you the world, and actually deliver.

there are people out there who genuinely want the absolute best for you.

i know you have been hurt in the past, 

but please remember there are good souls out there who will love you with every beat of their heart.

good people find good people,

and there is still so much good in this world to discover.

i hope you have the courage to let go of your fears and stay open enough to let all the good things flow right in. 

you are worth all of it.

because there are people out there who would try their hardest to give you what you deserve.

i am one of them, and i know im not alone.

please hang on. 

i miss you. 

lines i wish i wrote.

it's okay to be someone who needs someone else.

when the growing is hard, there is always love to cling to.

if you aren't alive, you will not feel the pain stop.

but if you stay, you will feel it shift.

there is nothing in this life

that lasts forever.

this song.

and i don't know why

i still want to try

it's so hard to hate you

cause you're not the bad guy

and im not alright

but i'll tell you i'm fine

cause i'd rather lie that to tell you goodbye

i want to feel safe but all of my windows are broken

you walked away, but my doors will always be open

i'm still hoping

this house feels so empty

i'm lost on my own

so i'll keep the light on

in case you come home.

Fifth 9th.

I read that "i can decorate my heart with distractions",

but the truth is I'm still going to feel what's missing. 

I didn't even need a second to think before it hits me.

I feel your absence everyday,

somtimes its almost like a sound i notice because of everything going on around me, but its there. 

I did try to decorate the empty spaces in my heart, in which you used to stay.

I tell myself "Im better off alone" but Im lying. 

Your absence is the most present feeling I have.

It comes in everyday, in full attendance ever since you left. 

And even if you started dropping hints that you'll be okay on your own, and that love no longer has a place in your life, it still doesn't make my love just fade or go away.

You became one of the most important person in my life in the shortest time, and loving you and being loved by you proved that time held nothing on us.

Time may not our ally right now,

but if i could, i would've done everything to make the most of it.

But i will continue to wish you well, pray for you, love you and whisper your name to our creator and all His creations.

I love you kaayo. 

Nothing changed that.

Ps. Its the 9th. I know it may not mean anything special anymore. But this day still reminds me of that moment we both realize we could be something good and amazing. 

Ive been missing you sooo much beh. 

There's not a day i dont think of you, or wish for you, or pray for you. 

I love youuu. And like this date, you will also hold a special place in my heart. 💛

If you ever need to reach out and you don't know what to say or how to come back, just send me a song. 💛

i don't think i'll ever forget your name.

even if i manage to let someone in 

i would end up trying to find pieces of you in every person i meet.

that there will always be a part of me that feels defeated that its not your hand im holding in the end 🥺

that even if there's enough time for me, id still have some of it set aside thinking and loving you.

because it's you. and you have no idea how much i would be willing to try, give, and do for you. 

Just to see you live. 

You've always been worth it. 

you would not believe me if you knew how often you are in my mind

i'm afraid that you've already forgotten about me but i'll be thinking about you forever.

will i be 50 years old and writing to you still?

will i be writing about us still?

I wonder if you ever look at a photo of us and miss me?

you were supposed to be the love of my life,

not the love i will spend a life grieving. 

I'm sorrry, nothing positive today. i just miss you. 🥺

Do you ever wonder what more we could've been?

I do. 

Bec i know our story was one of the happy ones.

You are one of the good ones. 

And if fate would have it, i would want to complete our story, 

Even if it means you'll leave first in the end.

I want to try to make you happy with what's left of this lifetime.

I want to see you actually lived, not just survive.

You deserve more than waiting for all of this to be over.

Love will not save you.

But it will hold your hand while you save yourself.

I hope you let love in and let me hold your hand as you fight this.

Lines that say i miss you, terribly.

 

"when i close my eyes, i smile

because i know that i'll still see you again.

some days are harder than others

and ive been living with this ache buried in my chest since you left,

but how different would life be if i didn't have you to miss?

without you i can barely breathe,

but knowing you is the reason i can."

How are you man? 

I hope your June started off good.

I have a lot to say but i dont know how to yet or where to begin. All i know is i missed you so much. I hope you're okay.

Im here. Putol2x signal here. I wanted to reach out.

I wanted to let you know i would've wanted you here.

I wanted for you to know that even in this amazing sight, my mind and heart still longed for you 🥺

You made places like this a reminder of the person i met unexpectedly,

A reminder of the amazing person i got to know deeply.

The person whose capacity to love and kindness awes me since we met.

The person whose past, flaws, and fears made me learn the person that she is, and admire her more.

Places like this will always remind me of you.

I'll have to remember you for longer than i knew you,

and i don't think i'll ever come to terms with that.

And i'll have to remember you in every sunset, every new song i end up liking, every new horror movie that comes out, every concert i end up watching in the future. 💛

I'll remember you in every sunflower i see. 🌻

And like the sunset, i end up seeing at least one every day.

I'm hoping I get to see you soon too, one day. 🥺