Love shouldn't be one of them

It just got me thinking,

There are a lot of things we had to give up in this lifetime,

but love shouldn't be one of them.

There are a lot of things you are no longer allowed to do, to eat, to try, to experience, 

but love should never be one of them. 🥺

Even if it will be different, and it doesnt look exactly like we planned,

I know we have to believe in love, up until the very end. 💛

When you don't give up on love, you realize that it's not something thats supposed to make you crazy or makes you feel complete, 

but its something that supports you, and helps you stand on your own two feet.

When you don't give up on love, you realize that it will be there for you in the most constant and simple ways,

And it will always show up even on the worst days.

So no matter how much time we have, i hope you don't give up on love. 🥹

Kay ingon sila, "life is not measured by time, it is measured by worthy moments."

And the kind of love i know, it will never make you feel unworthy. 

Coz God knows you are very much worth every moment, every story.💛

 

Daghan nag ga wish for you to be okay and well beh.

Napun.an dghan imong prayer warriors. 🥹🙏

Some days

 

I know you're doing everything and the best you can right now

I know you're fighting, and healing, and growing on your own

I know you're working up the strength everyday to keep going ,

And everyday im so soooo proud of you. 🥹

But some days, you know, i just want to tell you that...

"Hey i want to work on myself with you by my side,

And I want you to work on yourself with me by yours. 

Coz life is not easy, so let's do this together, okay?"

Some days, i really want nothing else but that. 🥺💛

Laban lang jd ha please.

 

Saw your post. 

I know kapoy na guro ka paminaw pero laban lang jud ha pleaseeee. 🥹

Everyone is rooting for you and praying for you.

I know im not anywhere near you and wa koy matabang nimo pero i'll always be here.

Sorry na lenient ta sa imong mga symptoms,  sa nosebleed, sa hangak.

If gipush and encourage tika nga pa check after sa first nosebleed maybe it would have made a difference? I dunno pero sorry if we missed that.

Padayun lng jd please. 💛

I'm happy how positive you've been lately. 

And how you opened yourself up about sa tanan nahitabo.

Proud kaayooo ko nimooo. 🥹😭💛

Basta ill be here sa likod nimo.

 

I loveeeee your smile!!! 🥹🥰🥰🥰

I love seeing you smile. 💛💛💛

I missed that. Im glad its back. 🥹

I soooo wish i could chat you right now.

And Yes indeed! You are valued and worthy beh. You deserve the best .💛

Shocks, mao pay paghimo nakog letter about that. 🥲

You're not my first.

 

I read this line that said, "You may not be my first in many ways, but you are my first in all the ways that truly mattered." And it's true.

You may not be the first person i loved, but you are the first person i loved diffrently.

You are the first person who deserves the best of me.

You deserve old school love and cliche, 

You deserve flowers that make you smile, you deserve letters written of how much you're worthy.

You deserve to take up space, to be thought of, 

and not just a mere afterthought.

You deserve more than half-hearted apologies,

And you deserve a love that never leaves.

You deserve to be able to trust and let your guard down,

You deserve people who thank the heavens you're around.

So I hope you don't talk yourself out of what you deserve,

Coz even if all this may also be a first for you, as they were for me,

One day i hope I can make you see, that you really do deserve to be happy. 💛

I will always show up. Always.

 

I hope i'm the person meant to find you. 🥺

Coz for me, you were never not enough, nor too much.

I hope you know that i have never given up on you, and i don't plan to.

I hope you know that i will never stop showing up for you. 🥺 Never.

God, i wish in your heart you know.  😓

Through my eyes

 

I wish you can see yourself through my eyes, so you will see and realize how special you are.

I'll never forget how you treated me and cared for me,

And how you showed me how it feels to be loved properly.

You made me see why it didn't work out with anybody else

And you showed me how it feels to be someone's best thing 🥹

So if only you can see yourself through my eyes, you will understand why im waiting,

If you can see, you will understand why love stays, and i will never stop trying to make you feel that same love while you're here. 💛

Memories

the memory of you walking up to the car!!! ☺️

i dont think i will ever forget that scene hantod mutiguwang ko. lol

Seeing you standing there as i slowed down, grabeh sagol akong kulba ug excitement. Part of me was relieved nga nakainom ka para di kaau awkward and uwaw. Hahahaha

Pero the moment you walked and opened the door, akong kulba nailisan ug dako nga tingsi ug katawaaaa hahahaha 🥹😂😂🥰

It was one of the moments i realized this girl can make me smile and laugh no matter what she does. 🥹

That very moment i realized nga shet this girl is special. Astig kayg dating but when you laughed sa imong ka clumsy ka realized ko you were gentle and real. And i thought to myself, i will do everything i can to take care of her. Mapa hubog pa ni sya or dili. Lol 🥹😂

The second nisulod ka sa car, my heart literally ni palpitate for a second and i swear i could've kissed you right then and there. Hahaha 🙈 May gale kapugong si marie. 😂😂😂

Thank God, coz that decision made our first kiss much more memorable 🥹🙈 

And pag sulod nato sa balay and you started singing, and you leaned into me, while i had my hand sa imong paa, and the way you shifted and moved your hand on my back while gakanta ka, ghad, it was also one of the moments i knew i'd want to be beside you like that for the rest of our lives.

Yatiii i miss youuuuuu. 

Rewind review. Char. Lol

 

"Anong i cecelebrate?

- Eto... ikaw at ako."

"Wala na akong panahon magalit..."

"Kng nandito pa ako bukas,

I will live better, i will love better."

"...hindi pala tayo sabay tatanda."

So wa ko nakahilak, teary-eyed lng hehe kay kibaw nako mamatay sya.

Pero karemember ka when we talked about this, ug kung asay mas preferred nato if mauna or maulahi.

I said i'd rather maulahi. Ang death scene nga ga tan.aw si john while gasyagit si mary, it confirmed to me nga i'd rather ako mabilin and grieve, kaysa seeing the people i love cry in pain like that.

Mas nihilak pa ko sa If Only, katong si jennifer love hewitt ba. Ay mas nihilak pa diay kos "what if". Awww hahaha 😂 kbye.

Pero agree kaau ko sa imong learnings 💯🥺 nya akong ikapuno kay kani,

- we dont need big wins, success, promotions, occasions to celebrate. Being here and being alive is worth celebrating enough.

- life can be short. wala na time for anger, regret, and tanan bati nga emotion.

- di ta maghuwat ug last day to live better, to love better. 🥺

- this one hits home. You meet people and u thought in the purest of your hearts that you're gonna spend the rest of your lives together, grow old together. Pero di diay ta same ug timeline tanan. Pwede ikaw mauna, pwede gale ako. (Maong di magduka2x mg drive)

"Hindi pala tayo sabay tatanda." Tagos sya nga line brad, in fairness.

Ay sheeeet. Karon na nuon ko kahilakon. 😣🤦

Movieee

 

Naa na sa netflix ang Rewind diay noh.

Akong tan.awon kay ana ka nakahilak ka hehehe

Tan.awn nato makahilak ba ang himi. Lol

And i remember nishare ka nako sa lessons.

I had to check them and do you remember mao ni imong sulti.

-------

Mao ni akong learnings sa movie beh; HAHAHAHA

-we should live each day of our life as if it's our last. 

-know our priorities para walay regrets at the end of our lives

-partners/couple should support and allow each other to grow and succeed

-God sometimes allows us to experience pain to make us stronger. 

Mao laaang. HAHAHAHAHA

-------

Sheeeet. These learnings are more true now more than ever. 🥹

Pohon i hope we can watch movies again, sharescreen version. 🥲

Lines that i wish i wrote 💛

 

"you deserved to be loved no matter what stage of healing you are at."

"its okay if all you did today was breathe."

"i hope this is the time you find the bravest, gentlest version of you"

"i'll stay.

even at my worst?

especially at your worst."

'find out what makes you kinder, what opens you up and brings out the most loving, unafraid version of you -- go after those things as if nothing else matters. Because, actually, nothing does."

"re-introduce yourself to the things that used to give you joy."

"Here's the thing about things you love, if you put them down, you can always pick them up again. You can always paint again, play music again, sing again, read again. "But its been so long." The thing you love doesn't care."

"And if i could absorb all your pain and return it as love, i would."

"You are not asking too much to be treated the right way."

"You don't deserve a love that comes back, you deserve a love that never leaves."

Don't forget how wonderful you are. 💛

Thank youuu 💛

 

Sometimes we take things and people for granted

I know i had

So today i thought of saying thank you.

Thank you for swiping on my profile, and coming into my life 🥹

For bring back my smile and loving me right

You make me see things more positively

And you make me appreciate the little things even more

Thank you coz with you, i learned to trust again and let my walls down

You showed me the ultimate meaning of "selfless", "sacrifice", and "strength".

And I will never look at those words the same way again.

You showed me that i can be happier, and i never thought someone could come in and would end up being this important to me.

Because you are significant. Dont ever doubt that ha.

You deserve to take up space, to feel big things.

Always be proud of yourself and the progress you've made, 

especially the progress that no one else has seen.

And even if there's distance between us right now,

The thought of you gives me something to hope for,

Thank you coz you made me want to be better, do better.

With you, i learned to do things i didnt know i was capable of. 🥲

So keep smiling please. Someone out here is living to see that. 😊

And I hope its okay if i continue to love you in this lifetime. 💛

 

Kita ko story nimo today.  Imo gicut imong hairrr!!!! It suits you 🥹

Im sooo happy to see your face and smile. 

Pero daot naka ba. 🥺

I wonder asa ka ga stay...

Naa kaha ka sa lapu2x? 

Im happy to see you with your family.

Happy ko kita nimoooo 🥹💛

Keep smiling please  

Gimingaw noun ko. 

Practice #2

 

I'm doneeeee. Hahahah ☺️

Wala nako sya exactly gisunod. Pero in fairness sa mga lubi lol 🥲

Thank youuu. Because of you, na pursue nako painting. 🥹

I varnish sah guro ni nako pra muhayag iyang colors.

This is for you. I really wish you know about this. 

I wish i could send this to youuu. 🥺

You'll have your own sunset view sa sud sa room. 🧡💛

I dont know if ga dialysis ka today, i hope today's a good day 

Keep going 💛

 

I don't know unsay dagway ani ig homan 🥲

Pero marie padayon 😁

See, even if we're not talking, you inspire me.

You inspired me to do the things i love.

The world is better with you in it. 

Keep going ha 🥹💛

 

I just want to let you know proud lng jd ko how much you're doing your best everyday to be okay, to keep going. 

Hayy I think you're really amazing and brave. 🥹

Maka happy lng reading your post and story, and how kind and gentle you are with yourself.

I 💯 support what u said, keep going please. 💪💛

Someday i will be soft and gentle with your heart and choose you everyday. For now, choose yourself and always be gentle with you, okay.

If i could do it again

 

I read a post that said, 

If you could do it again, would you meet them again for the first time, or would you walk away?

And easily, I'd do it all over again for the first time.

I would find you, meet you, know you, have the same conversations with you, go to the same places with you, laugh on the same jokes, cry over the same petty games, listen and sing to the same songs, and fall in love with you all over again.

Coz my world is just better with you in it.

You made me see how the world is better because you exists.

You are worth so so much, and meeting you wasn't just a lucky break. You were a blessing i never saw coming. 

So yes, if i could do it again, I'd meet you again in December, and I would love you a little better. 💛

I told you you're worth waiting for

 

take however much time you need, i'll wait.

because you're it for me.

You're it. whether its today, tomorrow, a month or a year from now, that'll never change.

i know you are brave, and i know you are more than strong enough to face anything on your own.

I know you are and can be happy on your own,

but if i have the capacity to add even a bit to that happiness, and make you feel more loved even for whats left of this lifetime, i'd do it.

i'd do it because right from the start, i knew you were worth it and you are worth waiting for. I told you that.

i'd do it because you deserve all of it, and i wont stop trying until you never have to doubt or think that you deserved anything less. 💛

I am SO proud of you

 

Thank you for never giving up 🥹💪

Thank you not giving in to all the pain.

If you need more reasons to not lose hope, ill find more reasons for you.

Thank you for your promises to yourself.

I cannot put into words how PROUD i am of you. 🥺💛💛💛

I may not be able to say all these things to you now

But please know in your heart i will never get tired of rooting for you, praying for you, showing up for you, and staying with you until you want a hand to fight your battles with.

 I love youuu kaayo,

and i will love you more on days when you feel alone, broken and lost. I promise you'll never have to go to sleep feeling alone in this world. 💛

Just things i wish i can ask you.

 

Im listening to your playlist on the way home tonight.

Actually, its the only playlist I listen to these days.

Work was okay. Holiday na jud ugma.

I wonder if nabalik naka work or nag take muna ka long leave 

I wonder if you're even home at all.

Are you feeling better?

Do you sleep well at night?

Did i ever cross your mind?

If i say hi, would you even reply? 🥺

always

i hope you know that you'll never have to lie awake at night wondering if anyone cares for you, 

and you'll never have to go to sleep feeling alone in this world.

if one night you can't sleep and you'll wonder, i hope i'll cross your mind and you'd call me,

i will always pick up,

and i will never get tired of reminding you. 

So sign sa universe.

So i ended up here. 

Cguro i just wanna feel closer to you,

Closer to how things used to be.

And nanungog ang universe, gipalingkod kos same table. Same girl pd ni serve nako. And she remembered me. She said she remembered how happy daw kay ko last time. Ahaka.

Nahan unta ko mu msg nimo pero napugngan pa nako 

I dont plan to bother you or anything

Pero hays, i wished you knew im near.

Medyu dugay2x ni nawala nga mingaw dah.

Niagi ko sa inyu, just for a quick glance, pero close na. Im not even sure if naa mo sa balay.

I miss you. I really hope you're okay. 🥺

 

one more

 

i fell in love with you

not because i was bored and needed somebody

not because i wanted the attention or the time

not even because i wanted to feel special or be loved

but because you made me feel how it was to love again

no questions, no conditions, no expectations of anything in return

every time i looked at you, i pictured the rest of this life with you

i wanted the petty fights, the boring afternoons, the random talks,

the corny jokes and laughs, sunsets, and all the little things

i never thought id want that with anyone. 

but i wanted that with you. 

and even if i know now that those things come with a timeline, a fucking deadline.

i realized i don't care. because i'd still choose you even if it means in the end i'll just have one more left with you.

one more petty fight, one more what if, one more boring afternoon, one more talk, one stupid joke, one barely visible sunset with you.

and even if all that is taken away and i'm just left with you,

that is more than enough. God, you're more than enough.

 

Di, di. di mubawi sa next life. 

pangitaan ta nag kidney-safe version nang mga pagkaona 💪🥲

ahak nagkatawa kos akong mga reaction ug comment nga di mapagawas didto, diri nalang. 

marie gaga! lol

Good morning, i guess

 

It's still here. the feeling from last night,

It's still here. 😥

Of course by the time kng mabasa mn gani ni nimo, wa kay idea what im talking about.

And i could write it a thousand ways, yet it boils down to this: i love you and God, i miss you. 

A little more than usual, apparently. 

if one day you need a bit of something to hope for or something to remind you. i hope this will reach you.

Cguro right now most of your days are filled with a rollercoaster of emotions. Emotions that everyone else can't even begin to understand. And I don't know if there are days when you wanna hear about stories of hope and strength.

But if one day you get to open this and you'll need it, and it gives you something to hold on to or hope for, then i guess it's worth sending you all these letters.

Diba ana ko i've been reading about patient care, people's stories and journey.

I've heard personal accounts of people i know man sad. Ang mama sa akong friend is at 11% heart function and she went to live with it till now at 67. 

I also remember a client sa akong kauban sa Prulife who has been on dialysis for at least 5 years. And I've read accounts of people who's been on it for 11 and 15 years, claiming their lives, building families.

I'm not saying pareha ug cases tanan or unsa, but I guess knowing about these odds and that there are people sharing their stories shines some hope, when its absolutely needed. Stories about how they were able to adjust and live a new normal after hitting rock bottom during diagnosis. How they went through everything from pain, denial, confusion, anger and emptiness, to seeing hope and enjoying little things a little everyday. 

For them to reach the realization, and even acceptance, that even if people can't understand how it feels to be them, the people who love them would stick around, even in silence, even when they don't know how they can make things okay.

Kay its true cguro nga no matter how deeply we care or how genuine our intentions are, we can't totally save people from themselves. We can only love them.

So i hope nga amidst the bad days, the positive days, the so-so days that are coming, you don't forget nga you are loved ha.

okay brad? 🥹

this one is one of your first beautiful msgs you sent, eventhough you said dili ka expressive.🥹 i decided to turn into a poem?🤞

...and suddenly it dawned on me

i didn't think one day i'd still meet someone. a stranger, they seemed to be. 

what started as conversation, 

turn into phone calls i can fall peacefully asleep on

i laugh as i realize i never had a clue, 

coz i thought love only stays when they are always beside you.

i'd meet someone, and i'll laugh like i've never laughed before, 

the kind of laugh until we cry tears of joy.

i didn't think i'd meet someone i can build a future with, someone i can ultimately grow with.

someone i can feel this certain to, even if for now there's just "me" and there's just "you".

i didn't think i'd meet a stranger who knows me so well

they finish my thought and they know what i say even when my words start to fail.

someone i feel a connection sooo strong, i wondered where they have been all along

coz now they're someone i cannot wait to dream about every single night, 

when i gently close my eyes.

...so i didn't think i would met someone, coz i never thought i would find one

the one i can trust with all my heart and soul,

someone who made me realize, this is what I deserve after all. 💛

-----

pero i read your message back, lahi ra jud ang original.🥺

Hay i miss you. 

Lines that i wish i wrote 💛

 

"i think we deserve a good ending, my love. We're good people and we've suffered enough."

"i'll find you in the next life, like i found you in this one."

"if you survived today, it is good enough. you don't always need to do more."

"because it was love, right? love, for what we knew love to be."

"but if it made you feel something briefly or eternally, then it matters."

"i have a recurring dream where I am sitting in the kitchen counter, and the sun is pouring through the curtains with its warm golden hand, you wrap your arms around me, the music reaches our favorite part of the song playing, the dogs sleep peacefully underneath the table, and I think this is what i have looked for in those fairytales instead of being saved by a charming prince, I just wanted someone to love me for all that I am without a goal, but rather in enjoying the barely warm coffee from hours before. All I have ever wanted from someone was for them to want me too, not as an option, not as a question but as a certainty."

"promise me that no matter how much it hurts, you'll never give in to the pain."

"the trauma you endured wasn't necessary. you didn't deserve those events. you were perfect before it all. maybe it carved and molded you to be better, maybe it changed you; perhaps now you have a different perspective on life, for the better, or maybe for the worse, but it didn't need to happen, because you were perfect before it all."

"if you can find something to be grateful for, then you can find something to look forward to."

"you don't meet the people you love, you recognize them."

"and while you've known them such a short time, you feel you have loved them for a lifetime "

"love her. love her and let her love you. do you think anything else under heaven really matters?"

"if i could have done it all again, i would have loved you better. But I could not have loved you more."

Paramore pa more

I listened to paramore's songs otw home tonight.

And then "my heart" came on. I guess the song just hit differently now. Na emotional ang marie coz i remembered how sure I was thats its gonna be you.

I was soo sure you're gonna be the last, you know? 🥹

I know worst plot twist imong health and how i wished things were different and that you're okay.

When you got sick, I was certain im never leaving, i was so sure we're gonna get right through it, whatever the new normal would be like. 

Anyway mao to sya. naigo ni paramore. 

Pero kibaw ka despite sa tanan, I'm still staying. Padayun lng japon build sa akong self to be the person you deserve. Someone you deserve in this lifetime, ana ka. 🥹

So yes, i was soo sure you're gonna be the last, and I'm still hoping you are though.💛

 

Gikwaan akong work scope :) 

Kibaw mn ka diba na stress ko gamay sa katong scope /role nga dili ko kibaw, wa koy experience and need pa kat-onon. Katong mag pa certify ang company nya akong mu lead himo sa tanan documents.

Today, ni decide ang OM nga i hire nlang niya ang katong quality consultant namo kaysa kami ang mag kapa ug himo sa mga documents nya mag learn pa sa sugod. 

Hays, nabunotan pd kog tinik. 

Hay i wish i could share this with you. 🥹

I miss talking with you.

dialysis day?

 

monday mn diay ron, i wonder if naa kay dialysis today.

i wonder kumusta, if it's getting better(?) or more manageable kay naka adjust naka?

i wonder if you're still in pain? a lot or gamay nalang?

i wonder if nag surgery or mag surgery naba ka for fistula?

i wonder if your meds are working? if naka ginhawa and sleep naka balik ug tarung?

all these things i still wonder man, and all these things i want to ask you.

just because wa tay communication it doesn't mean man nga i stopped caring kung naunsa naka ba.

 

Dyawaa katawaa nakos imogn gishare nga video sa passion of christ today. Hahaahhaahaha yati apil jd kos minus 100 sa langit ba. 😂😂😂😭

Mu comment unta kog, ana si Jesus bantay lang daw sila ig banhaw niya. 🫣✌️😂😂😂  Kbye 

Healthy

I dont know how to share this without making it sound like im defining you with your condition because first of all, you're more than your condition. but ive been reading a lot about being there for people you love who going through something in their health or have some health adjustment in their life, and how you can better be there or better take care of them. 

In the books they call it "patient care" but outside the medical parts out it, theres a lot to know about how to be a supportive parent, sibling, friend, or partner to them.

And one of the things they empasize is that first and foremost, the people around you, the person who wants to support you should be healthy as well.

Physically, emotionally, and mentally healthy.

So of course, it makes sense. The road ahead are gonna have some tough days, physically, emotionally, and mentally. Its gonna take a toll on you and its gonna take a toll on the people who want to take care of you. 

So i tried to assess myself pd, coz i know emotionally and mentally, i need some work but id like to think im getting mature, getting stronger, growing dihang dapita everyday.

Physically, this one needs some work sad.

Trying to be physically active namn ta by walking, for the heart. But i know its not enough. Exercise is just 20% and what matters is the things i put in. I know im not my healthiest self yet and i can do better.

I realized nga on top of being physically able and healthy to be there for you, i also need to not wait for my body to give up on me. We both know how our health can suddenly turn upside down.

Ive been wanting to lower down sugar kay sweet tooth kaau ko, before sya maningil sa akogn lawas. and ive been successful in the past and i remember those times were some of the healthiest ive been, mentally as well.

So my point is, i realize want to be healthier again and mg stick to a diet that would help me achieve that. Kakayanin man gale nimo adjust sa imogn diet bec you have to, nya ako na nuon mag weak2x. 

If i want to be here longer and if i want to be here for my family, for the people i love, and be here for you too, then i have to be healthy and strong enough to be someone you can lean on, physically, emotionally and mentally.

A gentle reminder

 

Do you remember katong nipis nga green book I asked you to try to read? A Gentle Reminder ang title.

I found some of the lines from the book that i saved. I know you're not into reading, but maybe these will resonate with you pd so share ko lang, bahalag kanus.a pa kaha ni nimo mabasa.🙂

-----

Life is a mess - yes, but my god, is it ever a beautiful one.

You have to believe that your ideas, and your hope, and your being, deserve to take up space.

Even the strongest souls gets exhausted.

You deserve to be loved and chosen - not almost, or almost chosen.

No one will ever fully be able to understand the internal battles you had to endure just to heal, just to grow, just to make it here today. Be proud of the way you fought to save yourself. Be proud of the way you survived.

Forgive yourself for the way you held yourself back because you didn’t believe in your own potential, because you didn’t believe in your capacity to take up space.

There is a resounding level of bravery to be found in being the person who believes in the light, even when they cannot see it.

You have to keep doing the work — not just physically, but emotionally. You have to learn about who you are, you have to understand what you deeply value, what ignites your soul, what makes you want to get up in the morning, and you have to choose that every single day.

You will not find a love that is perfect, but you will find a love that reminds you that goodness exists.

No, you will not find a love that is perfect — but you will find a love that reminds you just how worthy you always were. This love, it will show you that you were never asking for too much.

Because at the end of the day, the right people fight for you. The right people show up. The right people care, not only when life is convenient, but when it is difficult and messy and it aches all over.

Sunflowers 🌻💛

 

I want to paint sunflowers too.

Gadako lang akong hunahuna, i know lol

Pero i think kayanon, kana pangbata version lang gd.☺️

For now, maybe Im gonna paint you sunflowers until I can get you real ones again.🌻

Gimingaw nuon kos imong barbie smile, while gagunit ug flowers. Yellow really suits you 🥹

Hays. what if  i can do it noh? But i never get the courage or the chance to tell you about them or show them to you?

In time cguro, I hope.💛

One day.

  

I saved them for me, but i thought you might need to read them one day too. 

Practice #1

 

Btw, nara resulta sa gahapon. Practice sah ko sa mga gagmay nga canvass until dili masayang ang dako. 

Messy pero hopefully maporma ra ni pohon.🤞Will get there. 

I wish i can post this and show you. 🥺

This is for you.

Update before mahilanat simbako

So ive been walking again.

Ni uwan this morning so medyu na cut short kay hadlok nas hilanat.

But the last few days were good.

Nag start nasad ko sell balik ug food.

I told you that before, i think sa isa sa mga letters

nga i'll try to earn enough for capital para pohon di na mag work, mg negosyo nlng.

I'm happy i finally started painting gahapon pd lol

Dugay na nako ganahan itry but cge rag unya.

I'm trying to go back to these little things that made me happy and made me look forward to another day.

Something to hope for.

I remember before i used to tell you when you got worried if naa kay enough time nako, i told you its okay if padayun ka sa imong own interests, nga dapat ingana kay we should not lose the hobbies and interests that made you you, because a healthy relationship is consist of two happy individuals that water each other to grow.

When you came, i was already happy. You just added to that happiness, which is why you were so easy to love.

Cguro along the way i just forgot kay i was thinking sa katong akong nabasa na "if someone makes you happy, make them happier". 

And doing those things to make you happy, only made me happier nman hinuon. So unsa man jud. 

Anyway, if there are days that you dont hear from me more often, you dont get as much msgs or presence sa social media, just know that maybe busy lng doing my best to be the best version of me, the happy me, the prepared me.

I think i was a better version namn when we met, maybe in a bit lng, you'll have the version of me that you deserve. The happier me. 

Mangaply kog balik pohon ha, when you're ready.

Im wondering how you are

 

I hope today's a better morning diha.

I kept wondering how you are.

I prayed for you every night before i sleep

And cguro aside sa healing i was hoping it would reach you in any form or shape

Maybe you'll find comfort from a post or a song, or hope from a picture, or maybe a good laugh from a reel

I kept wondering about sa imogn food pd kay medyu choosy raba ka. 🙂✌️

Kumusta kaha ang new diet so far?

Ive been reading about renal diets and recipes baya pd

There's a lot of good food you can enjoy

I hope to cook one for you someday.

I also hope to take you to places nga you can enjoy.

I want to see you happy esp with the little things

Kay at the end of the day, its really the little things that bring big joys every single day

Kibaw baya ka im not into luxuries, material things, big dreams. 

Its the little moments, the mundane things, the boring things. The coffee, the breakfast, the movie, the lazy time in bed.

You knew I never wanted or needed big things from you.

When i pictured our best life before, it was a morning spent making coffee orhaving breakfast at the table.

It was a lazy afternoon in bed watching one of those disappointing movies kay dili hadlok.

It was sleeping beside you while you snore.

It was watching a sunset on the way home.

It was singing with you bahalag yabag while I watch you play your guitar.

It was seeing you smile everytime i bring you "just because" sunflowers.

These are little things and they mean so much more now more than ever.

And I still hope to share and live those little moments with you.

I dont care until when, i just know we can take this, one precious day at a time. 💛

I hope you still feel my love 🥺

 

When the rain is blowing in your face

And the whole world is on your case

I could offer you a warm embrace

To make you feel my love

When the evening shadows and the stars appear

And there is no one there to dry your tears

I could hold you for a million years

To make you feel my love

I know you haven't made your mind up yet

But I will never do you wrong

I've known it from the moment that we met

No doubt in my mind where you belong

I'd go hungry, I'd go black and blue

I'd go crawling down the avenue

No, there's nothing that I wouldn't do

To make you feel my love

The storms are raging on the rolling sea

And on the highway of regret

The winds of change are blowing wild and free

You ain't seen nothing like me yet

I could make you happy, make your dreams come true

Nothing that I wouldn't do

Go to the ends of the Earth for you

To make you feel my love

To make you feel my love

My toxic trait

 

So, my toxic trait is feelingera. Feelingera thinking i can paint these and more! 🫣😁😂

Some of these mga sunsets nga imong gisaved.

Mabilib na jd ko nako if ever ma copya bisan gamay lol

Pero i'll try. I'll try to paint at least one every month? 

So di ka pwede mu give up at least for another year or so kay kada buwan nakoy painting para nimo ok?!🥹💪

I wish i can tell you this. Kay praktison nakog maau until it looks decent enough nga you would look forward for each painting. 🥺 You deserve it.

Hays. I wonder unsay gadagan sa imong mind ron.

I wonder whats keeping you going.

I wonder what you need, for you to believe again nga you can still have a good life, that there are still things you can do, things to look forward to.

I know things are going to be different, but i trust that somehow there's still good things and i wish i can show you even some of it.

My moon 💛

Its not the side where mag sunset but nindot ang view sa dagat ug sa moon tonight. 

I wish i can send these pictures to you.  Everything just reminds me of you. 

First try.

 

I'm here. Naa ra ko nearby.

I will wait lng in case you need me. 

I dont know how to start but ana ko nimo ill paint sunsets for you. First try, inspiration lng ang view, buot2x ang gipaint.

I hope you're doing okay. But if not, il be here.

I hope we don't fail you, when you need us the most

 

I don't know how to tell you im here for you without being too much for you.

You have your family you have your friends, and they care a lot for you. But how i wish they can see that it's not just the sickness and physical pain that's hurting you.

I wish they can read your eyes and see how vulnerable you've been.

I wish they can see the strength it takes to keep a straight face everyday.

And I hope we can all see how much you want to be understood and seen, without having to bare yourself open.

You used to tell me di ka expressive and you dont ask for help,

If only people around you can see how much of yourself, your thoughts and your feelings you're showing to the world lately.

Yet, people who love you are failing you, just when you need somebody to see the real you.

I know lisud musulti sa family nga di ta okay. If you need to say it out loud to someone, or you need to sit in silence, or even cry, I'm nearby. 

Di ko nahan masuko ka, pero i wont forgive myself if in case u need somebody today and im not here.

Or if ever u want to forget that you're hurting even for a bit and just sit in front sa dagat, i can take you.

Im here for you today just in case.

I don't even know if kabasa pa ka sa msgs. Basta i'm physically here. Sorry daan nibyahe ko, I hope you'll see this from a point of view of someone who cares for you.

Pleaseee call me. you can talk to me. You can scream to me or cry to me. You know diba im here. maminaw mn ko 😢

I may not fully understand the physical pain but i know how it feels to be mentally tired, exhausted. To have your own mind consume you, when all thoughts torments you but wala kay mabuhat to get out of your own head.

The feeling that you can't tell anybody because they cant possibly know becauae theyre not going through it. You cant tell anybody because no one can hear the screams in your head. You cant tell anybody because you cant explain the kind of tiredness that not even sleep or rest can fix. The feeling that makes you want to just give in and give up. Just to shut all the noise and end the pain.

I cant possibly know everything you're going through karon pero you have every right to break down, and if it would help even unsa ka gamay to have somebody, pleaase know im here ra please.

I won't let you drown.

I wont say anything if thats what you need karon, i wont comfort you or tell you youre gonna be okay. 

Do you need to be away even for a bit? Do you need change in scene, do you need proof or something to hope for despite all this?

Ingni ko and i'll bring you out there 

I dont know how to reach out to you and tell you all this 

Shit Ive been telling you you're worth it

Pero wa man diay ni kaabot nimo.

Pleaaase if maka basa naka ani. 

 

Mingaw napud kaayo ko nimo. 😭

I wanna deact facebook again but its the only place for me to see how your doing. 

Kumusta imong pag uli sa balay?

Kumusta imong sleep sa own bed?

Makatulog naka mghigda? 

Makatulog naka throughout the night?

Wala na ka ga oxygen?

Nag dialysis ka today? Unsa na imong new sked?

Maka lakaw2x naka hinay2x sa balay nga di mg hangak?

Naa naka bago routine?

Nag unsa ka karon, are you eating, sleeping, watching?

Kumusta naman ka beh?

I dont want the "im okay" version of it. I wanna hear you talk and share like the way we used to. 🥺 Honest and raw.  I miss being vulnerable but safe with you.

Daghan kaayo ko gusto i ask pero wa ko kibaw asa mgsugod. And wa ko kibaw asa, nga mabasa nimo. 

Little things 💛

 

Naingnan mn tika before about brain dump diba

How i write things down, para dili mapuno akong utok hunahuna. Some are thoughts, some random ideas, plans, things to dos, places to go, etc.

But one of the things i took notes of is you.

I know pagsugod nato we never talked about gettingtoknowyou things like favorites, kay ditso natag mga deep2x 🥹 (wa mn gale ka kaila sa akong name!!!🤭 U already know il never let this go✌️) favorit color ra yata kutob. Lol

But there were little things about you that i know mattered to you. Katag kayu akong notes of you but found 2 from the early days hehe 😊

Hay gaga. Reading these, gimingaw nasad ko nimooo.

What if

What if muchat ko? 

Basahon kaya nimo or hide ra ditso ang notif?

What if mutawag ko?

Would you let it ring until it stops or tubagon nimo?

What if mu anha ko pero di lang ko pakita? 

You'd hate me for sure. 

Coz im starting to wonder how long it would take before respecting your space turns into you thinking nga wala na koy paki or ni give up nko. 😓

I just need you to know im still here. 🥺

Kibaw ka, i never turned off the ringer and notificatiom volume ig katulog anymore,

You know, just in case...

Hays, what if we go and watch beach sunset pohon?

Even just for an afternoon.

Let's witness something good in this place. ❤️🧡💛

I'll pick you up and return you in one piece, hopefully ig uli nga naay dala smile on your face. 🥹

You made me a poet. But sometimes words fail me pero others' words kay bullseye 💯

 

Read this one day, if you need reminder sometimes.

 

be gentle with yourself

kay sometimes mas gentle pa ta sa uban taw

"you're trying to grow while trying to heal"

you're trying to be kind while trying not to hurt

you're trying to live while trying to hold it together

you're trying to remember how to love yourself while trying to be seen and understood

I know some days, you're just trying to be okay.

and you're still here. you did good. 🥹💛

And there's no rule that says you have to live your life like everyone else! So give yourself permission to choose.

Live slowly, live calmly. And believe that your choices are valid.

None of us around you will ever grasp how it feels like your world was turned when this happened.

Take it day by day. And maybe one day when you're ready, you can do something you love that you've never dared to do. (Challenge? 🙂✌️)

Kabasa ko nga "things are endurable when you love and let yourself be loved." 

So maybe in time, when things won't hurt as much and you feel safe again, you can allow yourself to accept 💛 again.

By then i will be your safe place, a place where di nimo kailangan iquestion imong worth ever again.

Always.

 

I dunno if naa kay dialysis today. I know i can't ask you.

I hate the thought that through all this, you'd start to think i stopped caring. 😓

You'd think that i stopped thinking about you, or caring for you.

I know you were tired and i know you need the time, the space. I know your family needs that too.

But yati, the thought of you thinking that I stopped showing up for you, that I gave up? That's worse than missing you. 😣

Hayss. God, i hope she knows i'm still here. 😭

Beh, I hope you know in your heart that im always here. 🥺

The scars

"None of your scars can make me love you less."

Nothing in your past, and present, can change how i feel for you. Not the old you, the hurt you, the trauma, the self-doubt, the fears, the vices, not the sickness, not the literal physical scars you have for everything you're going through now.

None of your scars and wounds can make me love you less.

They even made me want to love you better. 🥺

Good morning 💛

 

I slept a bit longer today.

Cguro tungod ive been dreaming of you more?

Or tungod tired ko pagtulog pg kadlawn

I re-read the ebook until wa ko kabantay nakatog

A New Normal -Life on Dialysis.

I dont think na mention na nako nimo

It was short but informative

I know i would never know how you're feeling right now but i wanted to at least understand even parts of it.

Everyday gimingaw ko nimo but i know di pwede mgpadala sa emotions. See, you taught me strength. 🥹

Ikaw gale nakaya nimo atubang ni tanan and everyday i wanted to tell you i'm proud of you.

Cge lang, bisan sa background im doing the best i can.

Ana ko nimo mg andam ko para ig abot sa time nga you wanna share your journey, your new normal with me, you have the best of me.

You have the me that you deserve.

 

I miss youuuu. 🥺

I miss you kaayoooo today. 😓😢

How can i tell you? 😭

I know you need your space but God, I wish you knew. 

Home 💛

 

Saw your story today. How i wish i could tell you,

I'm so happy you're finally home. 💛

Laban lang sa mga meds ha. 🥹

Ubay2x jud like sulti ni cardio doc.

She's good noh, mu explain jd sya tarung.

You're really in good hands. 🙂

So mao ra to sya. Hays i wish i can tell you these things.

Maybe one day? 

I hope you know that you're always in my thoughts and prayers ha.

If you'll ever need me, i hope you'll never think twice.

Di mauwaw, mabalaka, ma guilty, mahadlok.

Wa gale ka nahadlok pangutana if love tika. Aww 🥹

Amping pirme please. 💛

A Tale of Us. 🥺💛

If time forbids forever

I'll settle for a lifetime with you

If luck shall call me never

I'll still take my chances with you

If I get lost, my love

I will find my way back to you

Because my heart remembers

That I'm so in love with you

If sunshines fade, and moonlights wane

I'll stay right here with you

If patience tiredly stops its wait

Oh I am willing to wait for you

If sorrow falls like rain

Oh I will never fail

To be the one you needed

As long as you want me to

Your touch, echoes through stars and galaxies far

Your kiss, diminishes every fear

With you, we can brace for infinity

Our story will make gods of love envious

With locked hands, we can face anything

If fate shall write its joke on us

I will fight the odds for you

If death shall come before us

I am happy I spent my life with you

Oh im so in love with you.

Even for just a minute.

 

I remembered how uncomfortable you were (sorry) sa idea nga mubyahe kog layo just to see you.

But i kept reaasuring you nga its okay and want to. But what you didn't know and what you didnt understand is this.

I don't mind traveling for hours if it means I get to see you even for just a minute.

With you, there was no effort too big.

It was then nga naka ingon kos akogn kaugalingon nga, this person deserves the best of me. Kaning tawhana deserves the world, bisan pag di nya pangayuon, and ill do anything to make her feel that, without guilt or shame.

Kaning tawhana deserves to know that she's good enough.

Mao to sya, since then i knew you're worth it.