cant stop thinking,

the thought nga if simbako naay mga emergency mahitabo nimo

i realize and remember nga there's really no way for me to know

like di jud ko makibaw

and wa puy mupahibaw nako

kay i know im not family man

and di sad apil sa mga people close to your family

or close enough nga share.ran ug any info or update about you

so technically, just one of your hundreds of friends sa internet

just one of those people who knows you

and cares about you from afar

murag ana cguro ko nga category or friend group nabelong noh

and im not saying this from a bitter place man

just a realization lang jud ba..

kay of curs naa mn sad other people nga you've known longer

and people closer to you and your fam

maski gale si nisha cguro nga bestfriend nimo

will have no way of knowing pud whats happening with you unless mureach ka niya or sya diha nimo.

anyway, mao ra to sya..  realization lng.

esp after you said about if wa ka naadmit.

i cant imagine lng nga if something happens to you, 

i'd find out about it sa internet. 😭

hays di nalng nako hunahunaon or i entertain ang thought.

basta importante okay ka. 🙏

matog nako. 

im happy to hear from you. 💛

basta always here, one of your prayer warriors. 

hi.

i dunno if kita ka sa feed

naa secondhand serenade the other day sa waterfront

i know emo kau nga artist lol

but we both know his songs

and remember isa sa things we would've wanted to do was attend a concert

wa ko niadto but i wanted to invite you

nakibaw rako the day before

so i wasnt sure if mka go ka nga short notice,

or if you feel better since atong need kag transfusion.

so mao to sya 

la lang chika lng ko

i just thought it would've been nice, a night off

a break pd, me from work you from dia routine

kay i know focus ka nga magpadayun nga okay

padayun nga lig.on sa mga gidala,

heck, YOU know how strong you are

but i can imagine it must be tiring to be strong all the time

to be called and be praised for being strong by everyone

and to stay strong for everyone. 🥺

i know sometimes, we just want a small amount of time to rest, 

the kind of rest that even sleep couldn't fix,

and maybe to be free, even for an hour or a day,

to put down whatever load we're carrying.

hmm so mao to sya. i dont know how you're doing

but im always praying that you'll never run out of reasons to be here,

you inspire me stay grateful.

i wont remind you to be strong

but know that you can come to me if you ever need a space to be weak

i'll always take care of you, you know that...

I don't check in on you as often.

Not out loud.

But I still notice when the sky looks like your favorite color.

I still stop when i hear a voice or laugh that sounds like yours.

I still carry a version of you in my mind.

And my heart still flutters, my world still pauses for a second 

when you cross my mind.

So no, I dont check in on you as often

but it appears that every part of me still does.

"i miss you.

that's it.

that's the only thing I can say and feel and carry right now

every word I try to write turns into three.

I miss you.

i feel it silently, whether im eating, working, 

trying to be okay, or go about my day.

i miss you.

i want to tell you about my day

i want to ask if you've been okay

whether life has been gentle or heavy lately

still, i hoped that you'll remember

when i said that i'll always be here,

even if i dont know all the answer,

i want to write something better,

something that makes sense.

but all I have is this same old piece.

I miss you.

still and always.

please, take care pirme. 💛

"I still open our chats sometimes

not to msg you, just to stare.

because that used to be my favorite place, 

where love felt alive in words and hearts.

now it's quiet.

no typing dots, no replies, 

just me scrolling through old messages 

like they're sacred ruins of something I may never have again.

It's strange how silence can scream your name louder than anything.

how a chat that once made me smile and laugh 

now hurts a bit to look at,

not in a bitter way

but in soft yearning,

knowing what we had was good

knowing it couldve been more,

knowing neither of us is at fault

that life just happened, that priorities had to change

but still, I go back there.

becuase i can still see the way your face looks

when you say those words.

I can still imagine the way your eyes light up 

when you laugh or when you share exciting news 🥲

the time stamps may be from different month, a different year

but the way the words make my heart feel 

make it seem like it wasnt that long ago...

It seems like you were just here.

"hey.
i wasn't planning to say anything

but i still think about you.

not in a desperate way,

just in that soft, quiet kind of missing

the kind you carry without expecting anything back

i guess i just wanted you to know

you mattered.

you still do. 

even if you never see this.

 
"i think that maybe 
i would always let you come back, 
not that i'd stay here waiting, exactly, but
if you came, told me you loved me, 
and asked me to be yours....
im not sure if there's anything in the world 
i wouldn't drop for you.

"I hope you don’t regret having met me.

I hope when my name comes up, 

you don’t let out a sigh of relief, 

like I was a chapter you’re glad to have closed. 

I don’t want to be remembered as a mistake

or as someone who asked for too much. 

I want you to remember me as the girl 

who gave you everything she had, 

the way she knows how, and without hesitation.

I hope, in some way, I wasn’t forgettable to you.

that I wasn’t just another passing moment, 

because to me you were everything.

however brief what we had seemed to be,

Or not matter how short life will be.

I think I’ll carry this love for the rest of mine,

even if it changes me, 

even if it leaves me.

And if you ever think of me

I need you to know,

I loved you for you and nothing else."

And I loved you more than i ever did anyone else.

💛

Hi.

Nana sad bagyo ba. 

I hope nara mo llc. I hope you're all safe.

Its the 9th.

Hmm not that it matters anymore. 

Anywayyy, amping diha ha. 

God bless sa imogn dia sessions pd.

Stay safe. 💛

Hmm i dunno whats going on sa imong mind right now.

Kabasa ko nga people worry because they lack information,

So the brain tries its best to come up with assumptions, what ifs, worse case scenarios etc and then its these assumptions that lead to worry, and worse, overthinking.

So unsa akong point? Wala lang. Just thought its true.

Coz thats what i do sometimes.

Like karon, you're offline.

You just went through grabeh nga experience 

And you have worries sa imogn papa  sa imogn family. 

I cant imagine what you're going through

And i cant possibly understand coz im not in your shoes.

But yeah, i still worry about you. Always. 

I still care about you. A lot.

So yeah, kana lang. 

And i also logged in sa fb today.

Chexked how you are, how youve been. 

And i saw nga you remove the highlight sa mga stories nga nagkuyog ta?

Or maybe nasayup lng ko. 

Ni deact rapd ko dayun balik after man. 

Anyway, ill always hope and pray for you. 

Kasabot ko if u dont want to deal with small talk or pangumusta or dghan questions.

But i hope you still know that im still here. 

You know how and where to reach me.

Stay safe. 💛

*Im not sure how to call u or address you anymore. I know you needed time few months  ago to handle the things you're carrying. And i know we didnt really got back together, So im not sure if ur ok sa usual endearment like we just pick up where we left off, or if for you theres nothing to pick up.  See, overthinking.

Take care. Imy.

If the story is over then why am i still writing pages?

There are days when waiting for you to decide if im worth the risk (or even worth keeping in your life) is taking everything and all of me, which is strange because there was a time when i waited and wrote you hundreds of letters every day even if i didnt know if you'll read any of them, and loved you even when I didn't know if i would ever hear back from you again.

But inspite of all that,

I still love you.

I guess i just dont know if im still hoping to hear that you still love me.

Is this acceptance? or is it just me taking the burden off of you, so you dont have to be pressured to love me back?

Guess im still gonna be writing pages...

So how things have been...

hi beh

Musta namn ka diha 

I hope you're okay, i mean that in the best way, whatever okay feels like for you 🥲

I hope imong sessions are going better pd, 

nga wala na nausab nga naputol tungod sa hypo

I saw story nimo sa danao church, 

im glad naka church pd ka 

Hmm im not sure if na mention nako before katong gi final interview nako pg augst, na ka JO nako. 🙏

Ka 3 ko nangaply ani nga comp so murag gisugtan na jd ko ni Lord nga didto. 

Start nako tom. 

Pero, kay murag apil.mn jd tas strong soldiers pirme ani

Gisugod sd kog hilanat ug kalibang sukad tuesdy.

So mao to, pg friday ng pa ER nalng ko para matauran IV kay dehydrated namn ko. 

Pero wala lng sah jd ko pa admit lng kay madala ramn meds ug hydrate lng, nya samot di ko kasud if admitted diba

So karon gacge pako tambal, 

wala na fever kaluoy sa ginoo pero luya pa mn oy. 

Kada gawas nko cr puypoy ug bug.at kau lawas. 

Cge rako ligid ig saka 😢

So ending ani basin muhangyo lng ko move lgn start date

Kay di ko kaimagine naas ofis ug sa gawas all day nya ingani.

Labad pd akong ulo sahay, nglibog ko kgn tungod sa dehydration or side efect sa tambal kay kabasa ko usa pd raba.

Hays so mao to. Ahak. Sorry nanabi namn nuon kog maau. I know its not critical and in a few days il be fine.

So hopefully, and praying mka start na sd sa work intawn. 

Pero yeah, i still thought about you.

I miss picking you up diha, planned or spontaneously

I miss our food trips 🥲

The roadtrips while we blast your music

And mga tambay sa dagat at sunsets. 🥹

I miss the live access to your singing sessions maski pugsunon kaau pakantahon irl

I miss talking with you about anything in the car, on the sand, in any place we go to

I missed you but i missed our friendship too.

So im back to writing letters that i wont know if you'll ever get to read. 

Anyway, taaas na pud ni. Carried away napud. When you read this, maybe ive already recovered, or maybe ngkakita natag usab or maybe i dunno. 

Il take care, i promise. Glitch ra ni sa system. Lol

If you need anything aside sa prayers (or even more prayers), You know how and where to reach me ha.

Don't hesitate. No matter what, no matter the time, i'll always be glad to hear from you. 🥲

Take care of yourself pd pirme diha. ❤️‍🩹

Not that deep.

I miss you.

Theres a lot i wanted to say lately but di ko kaporma

I dunno, maybe bec of the last long one i wrote,

Basin ma carried away nasad ko.

But just wanna say i miss you. 

I miss your face, your rolling eyes, your voice, your laugh, your smile.

Oh how i miss your smile.

For now, il.leave it at that - shallow, aesthetic.

Because if i start going deep and started listing down everything else i miss about you, mugawas nya pgkahimi. 

Even on days that i dont cross your mind,

I still hope and pray that you're okay, so do me a favor and always take care of yourself ha please. 🥲

Maybe one day, we can go.to one of those escapes again. Maybe. 🙏💛

The longest letter yet, i think.

I miss you.

I still miss you everyday, you know.

But i guess no matter how i tried to deny it

A part of me have always known that in this chapter of your story im not what you need, or what you want.

Especially not a relationship.

But i realize that i can respect and accept all that and still be here for you.

Maybe not in a romantic, lover way

Or at least not anymore

But ill be the constant presence in your life that you can go back to

Or if you ever decide that u need or want extra hands in the weight your've been carrying

Or in the mindwar you're fighting

Yes, i have my own wars too, but i'll always have space for you.

Since we met and since i fell in love with you, i have already included you, not just in my prayers, but in the future that i have hoped to lived.

And despite the plot twist that happened in your life and the possibility of a shorter future with you, i still wanted to spend that and make a good life out of it with you.

But i know and have slowly accepted that what i want might not be what you need and want for yourself and your life too.

It wouldnt be fair to put that pressure on you

And more importantly, it would stand against everything else that i promised you.

The promise that i made thay ill be your peace and shoulder and safe place when the world is too much.

So now i know that I cant be too much for you too, 

I cant be another cross that you have to carry.

And i know it wouldnt be fair for me too.

You know that right?

You always reminded me before not to put my life and heart on pause if God forbid that He takes you

And i used to always fear for that day. 

I used to only feel fear of losing you, that i found myself settling for any place in your life, any amount of space.

And i dont regret that, bec being in a place where i get to love you and care for you and witness your life is worth it.

But i guess now, even if the fear of losing you is still there,

I have come to realize that its not about losing you, or living in fear that I’ve lost you.

It’s about surrender maybe? And acceptance? 

accepting things as they are, and still holding love for you.

The kind of love i have for you doesn’t just disappear just because you’re not here with me or bec well never be back togerhter. I guess it just shifts? It changes. 

It becomes something more freer i guess?

Its no longer about holding on to what was and what we used to be, but more about being grateful that I get to love you at all. 🥺

I can still love you and be happy that youre still here, for the life you get to live, even if it’s not with me.

Im trying to be at peace in knowing you’re right there safe, trying your best, breathing, and being brave to face every day despite everything you're feeling.

So maybe not being with you isn’t about loss

Its about letting you be. It’s loving you without pressure, without hope, without needing to wait to be loved back.

Its being thankful to God that we met and i get to have that love for you and that you exist in my world at all.

I'll always thank God that we met in this lifetime.

When we broke up i asked God why and if that was it.

Some days i even wondered if the timing was wrong or if it was perfect. Because we were both exactly what we needed, in that chapter that we had. 

Maybe we both had all that love to give and we both deserved to pour into each others cup.

I used to wonder how my life in the last 2 years wouldve been if u were not in it, and i wonder how yours wouldve been if i wasnt in it.

So yeah, i very much believe God's timing and plans are always perfect.

So no matter where our lives are going right now, or whether we talk again in days or weeks or months,

I trust that, all of that is aligned with God's plan for both of us. I wont believe that its not.

I'll never stop praying for you and your health.

That will never change.

And if you ever feel ready to get that KT, know that i wasnt kidding and i will stay true to my promise. 🥲

If by God's grace i turn out to be a match, i would do it.

Nothing would mean more to me than knowing I could help keep you here with us, safe and alive. ❤️‍🩹

I miss your smile

Hi beh.

I miss youuu. 🥺

Im wondering if u ever missed me too. Did you?

I hope you do. 

But i know you're dealing with things right now.

Things that are far more important than dating, relationship, love, or "us".

And i understand.

If you need more time, or days, or weeks.

I hope ud trust that id still be here.

I just want you to be in a place where you feel you can reach out

And when that time comes, you dont need to explain

You dont need an elaborate speech or big words

Hearing from you will be more than enough.

Knowing how you are will be enough.

Ever since we met i told you i'm here to stay,

i still am.

Thinking of you and praying for you every day beh

I couldnt help but hope that each day that passed brings me closer to the day that i get to hear about your day again

I long for even just a glimpse of your face or the sound of your voice.

More than anything, I hope for the day I’ll have the privilege of making you smile again. 💛

I miss your smile, terribly. 😥

Thoughts

hi beh.

really wanted to reach out but basin its too soon.

hmm nothing's changed, i think of you every day.

not just in the quiet parts but also in the busy parts of my day.

busy like nanglimpyo or nagluto or nag scroll2.

i still wonder what you're doing

i still wonder if you're okay

i still hope that your mind and body gets the rest that it needs

maybe its a different kind of quiet and peace

i'll still try my best not to bother

but ill always hope that you know im here

i'll always have a space for you

and when you're ready, come back

you won't even have to explain

kay having you is more than enough

hmm im okay ra sad. wala pako ka work.

but ga padayun lng japon apply, interviews once in awhile.

a bit scared unsay next i venture.

i cleaned out mga gamit, bought some baking supplies

maligya lng sah guro ginagmay. 

one day at a time lng japon.

pero paspas kau ang adlaw pud ba. 

pero laban. nangatol pd makadagat puhon. 🥺🥲

anyway, take care pirme. you're always in my prayers and thoughts. 

ipa abot ni ni Lord akong thoughts diha nimo. 💛

Day one.

Kita kog trend sa tiktok about "day one" then ang 2nd pic is the couple's first chat or ang first convo that started it all. 

So mao to sya, ka remember nuon kos "what r u afraid to ask" "love ko nimo?" convoooo nato. Ahak 🥲

So of curs akong gisearch sa whatsapp and it brought me down the rabbit hole lol i ended up backreading days of convo. reading all our banter and hirit sa usag usa and all those back and forths made me smile. Made me teary eyed pd lol And all the iloveu's after that night? Hmm maka happy reading them. They reminded me that what we had that time was something good, and hopeful, and real. 🥹 We even talked about how we're both scared pero we both felt nga sakto atong gisudlan. 🥲

Okay sorry enough. Basta yun lng. Cguro i just wanted to share, kay maybe what we had was good noh? Because even if it ended, reading all of it again and being brought back.to that time in the past didnt trigger any anger, hate, fear, regret for me. It only reminded me of the softness, care, affection, loyalty, and love that i felt from you and from our time together. How caring and soft you are and how special you are from the beginning. 

Hmm i hope you'll never lose that softness and kindess in you beh no matter how cruel the world and life can be. You will always be the same special and worthy princess i fell.in love with since day one..even before you asked me if i loved you. 💛

Btw, i still do.

Missing you isn't new, but today it's louder. Heavier.

It actually aches. 🥺

Na trigger ang ka himi. 😥😭

Samoka. Sorry

All is well 🥲🙏

Hi beh. I hope the nights are getting better, or at least your sleep is, maski papano. 

I missed you, but whats a bit hard is not knowing how you're doing healthwise. 

Pero i trust that you're okay, and your sessions are ok.

And i guess as long as i see some of your reposts sa tiktok, then ill continue to think that you're well and healthy. 🥹🙏

I understand and ill respect your time and space to handle the things in ur life right now.

But i really hope you still know that i always thought of you.

Maybe one day, ill let you know of these letters again. 

Take care always, beh. You're always in my prayers. 💛

I'll hold space for you. 💛

I know you don’t owe me constant messages,

I just want you to feel safe, always.

You never even have to explain when you're quiet.

I get it, and I’m not going anywhere. 💛

We can go hours or days without talking, 

and I’d still be thinking of you. 😁

That won't change how deeply i still care about you and how often i pray that you're okay. 🥹

You don’t even have to respond or share anything until you’re ready. I respect your boundaries, and I’ll always respect you. 💛

I know your mind is busy right now, and it's been keeping you up at night. 🥺😔

If you're feeling unsure, or lost or overwhelmed, i hope you know that, that’s okay. You don’t have to have everything figured out right now. 

You taught me that. 🥲 You taught me that it's the present day that matters. 

But if you find yourself thinking and trying to make sense of everything you're facing, and maybe worrying about every tomorrow, 

Know that you have me. I will show up for you, and I will hold space for whatever you need. 💛💛💛

And while you need time to breathe, break, or reset,

You don’t have to wonder if I’ll still be here, I will stay.

I will continue to believe and trust that everything is gonna be okay. 🥹

Whatever's keeping you up or weighing on you, you don’t have to go through it alone. 

I know you got this beh, but know that i'll come flying there if you ever need me to. Hehe ☺️😁 okayyy? 💛

Keep smiling. It suits you. 🥰💛

Hi beh 💛

I hope you're okay beh

I always pray for you everyday

I dont know how light or heavy the things youve been thinking and going through lately

But i know you need and want to carry them your own way

I will never pressure you, tire you, guilttrip you or shame you whatever you need to do for you

I may not be chatting you all the time but i'm thinking of you and i know you know i'm always here for you

You always have a safe space in me to come back to

Rest when you have to, take some space if you need to

For now i'll just continue to pray that things are not too hard for you right now

You're one of the strongest people i know

But never forget that there are people around you who truly love you even you're tired or weak or sick.

I miss you beh. ily. 💛🥲

Lines i wish you already knew.

you can be who you are with me.

you don't have to hide. I love all parts of you, 

even the messy ones.

I can handle you.

whatever happens, you'll never have to face it alone.

we got this.

I'm never too busy for you.

I know you can, but please let me.

let me handle it.

I don't need perfection. I just want you.

----------------

i love you. And you deserve to be loved loudly. 💛

There's nothing.

I would kiss you while you're sick, in any lifetime!

There's nothing about what you went through and what you're going through that will ever make me love you less.

I love youuu. 💛 Please never forget that.

amishuu ;-)

 

i miss you. i miss writing to you. hehe 

its just that my mind has been scattered a bit lately, 
despite that, you're still the person i want to say goodnight to at the end of the day.
as long as i know you're okay, your kidneys are thriving, your business is going well and its keeping you motivated to get up every day, im all good with that. 
time and distance don't matter, you are what matters. 💛

as long as im here, i'll do everything i can to make you feel how much you matter in this world.
as long as im here, you won't ever have to ask or wonder if you do. because you always do. 💛

i love you. 

This is "how" i love you.

i want you to know that no matter what, you have someone who’ll always love you gently, and choose you every day.

I won't pull, i won't push, i just wanna be a safe place that you can choose to return to.

I hope to always be your shoulder, may it be in your quiet days or in days that feels heavy.

I hope you know that this is not me chasing, 

this is me choosing to stay. 💛

Bec all i want is to be something in your life that's steady, 

I hope to be someone who can show up fully, esp when things get hard or scary.

Yes, the thought of losing you scares me,

but nothing scares me more than seeing you get hurt.

I have always loved you, 

But I don't want to love you in the "best way", because the "best" might look different for both of us.

And God knows there are days that im far from being my best self.

So i want to love you in a way that heals us both, not in a way that triggers.

But in a way that listens, in a way that understands, in a way thats patient.

I want to love you in a way that stays every single day, and in a way that will make you believe you are always worth the risk, and the wait.

I pray that i'll have enough time and strength to continue to love you in ways that would always make you feel special and valued, because you truly are.

I love you so much, beh. 💛💛💛

happy 1st

heyyy youuu 😊 hehe 

i dunno if oveer ra to greet you today, but i figured since i've been greeting you the last few months, then might as well do you read thisit today. lol

And i dont even know if you still read this letters. Lol
(Let me know if you read this. Charooott!) 🙈

Anyway, Happy Anniversary beeeh! 💛☺️ Hehe

I just thought that, maybe not being officially together doesn't necessarily cancel the entire year of loving you.

i can't believe one whole year just went by like that. Part of me feels time just flew, like bag-on and fresh pmn tong mga memories before, but also another part me feels nga the stuff that happened leading to us ending seems like a long time agoooo. As in nglibog ko. I feel both.

We met one day and it was a very short amount of time between meeting you and wanting to say "I love you." Days ra jd Lol. Na cancel gud ang friend2x. 🤭🤣 hahahha

I wasn't looking to love anyone right away that time. And I told you I was willing to wait when you were ready. But God definitely had other plans.

Maybe we both needed to be in each other's lives that time? I dunno. But I definitely didn't need a reason to love you, i just felt it. 

And that's how i knew it felt real.

I've always thanked God that we didn't wait. No matter how short the time we've actually spent together as a couple, I don't think I will ever forget that, or forget you. 🥲

I'll always thank God you exists. And I'll continue to pray that He will allow you to be in our lives for a much much longer time. 🥹🙏

And whether we get back together or not, I pray that I'd still be able to make you feel seen, heard, adored, and loved. 

Coz you deserve to be. 💛💛💛

ily.  

 

Imy.

And sometimes i feel helpless knowing theres nothing i can do to relieve or at least distract even a bit of your pain, your discomfort.

So for now, i will continue to hope with you. 

I will continue to pray with you.

They say praying for someone is the purest form of love.

Do you think ts true? I dunno. 

All i know is you deserve any form of love.

Feel better soon. 🥹

Theres nothing i want more than to know that you're okay.

And i am the happiest when i see you happy.

I hope that i still get a lot of chances to add to your happiness.

💛

People say the last act of love is letting go,

And thats only fair and selfless, 

But i guess for now, mine is holding on.

Because i know that not every person is worth risking for, worth holding on to,

But you are, you definitely are.

i love you and i know i will not be able to give you everything in life,

but i want to be able to give you the little things that i hope can make living even a bit better.

may it be your favorite meal, a space to breathe, some peace and quiet, a road trip, a hint of sunset, corny joke to laugh at, or a safe space.

A space to share your thoughts, where you are listened

A person you can trust to be around if you ever need one,

may it be for slow quiet days or the darker ones.

A person who will respect your peace,

and not add to the chaos in the world and in your mind.

You deserve the best things whatever this life can offer

And i hope we can all make you feel loved, valued, and cared for, whether its a long or short road ahead. 💛

Imy beh.

I want a life of adventures, instead of things.

And i want to spend even a portion of that life.. with you.

I want long drives and music 🥺

I want sunsets and beaches 🥹

I want places that show us how big the world is

I want views that remind us what matters and how fragile life is

I want breakfast food with you, and movies

I want ice cream dates even when you shouldn't lol

I want games and trivias when we can't sleep

I want to camp out with you under the stars

And i want to sleep beside you, even in the car

I want a life of adventures, instead of things

I want a night of binge-watching and sleeping-in in the mornings

I want to talk about life and dreams with youuu

I want to see the sparkle in your eyes

I want to hear the excitement in your voice 🥹

I want the pick up lines and corny jokes,

And even the riddles which you already know lol

I want to listen to you sing all dayyy 

I want to see you play

I want to see your smile, and hear your laaaugh 

I want to see you do what makes you happy 🥹

Because really, I just want a life with you.

No matter how long or short that could be.

Because, i want you. 

Because it's still you. 🖤

Nobody's promised tomorrow

So I'm gonna love you every night like it's the last night

If (your) world was ending, 

I'd wanna be next to you

If the party was over 

and (your) time on Earth was through

I'd wanna hold you just for a while 

and (i'd hope you) die with a smile.

Sheeet. These lyrics from a slightly diff perspective. 🥺

So yeah, i'm gonna love you every day like it's the last day... You don't have to say it back. Just let me. 🖤

if only you can see yourself through my eyes, you will understand why im waiting,

If you can see, you will understand why love stays, and i will never stop trying to make you feel that same love while you're here. 🖤

Happy 9th of the month. 🥲 Ayyy. HAHAHA

Funny thing is, i found another place to send you messages, which i will never know if you'll be able to read.

Kadungog nakag sendthesong site?
People send/dedicate songs anonymously along with message.

Its nice, especially when songs tend to capture more of what we feel or want to say to other people. 🥹

Ay naku, its not like i dont say more than enough things here. Hahahaha 

Mao ra to sya byee.

Hmm, ive deleted a lot of online content in the past, i dont think il ever delete this blog. Nahimong diary lol 🤣

sometimes I wish i met you sooner,

but i met you at just the right time.

I think we found each other when we were ready,

we found each other when we needed each other 

the most...

Found this in my notes app.

 

I read this line that said, "You may not be my first in many ways, but you are my first in all the ways that truly mattered." 

And it's true.

You may not be the first person i loved, but you are the first person i loved differently.

You are the first person who deserves the best of me.

You deserve old-school love and cliches, 

You deserve flowers that make you smile, you deserve letters written of how special you are.

You deserve dates in broad daylight, you deserve dates at sunset

You deserve to take up space, to be thought of, 

and not just a mere afterthought.

You deserve more than half-hearted apologies,

And you deserve a love that never leaves.

You deserve to be able to trust and let your guard down,

You deserve people who thank the heavens that you exists, that you're still around.

So I hope you don't talk yourself out of what you deserve,

Coz even if all this may also be a first for you, as they were for me,

One day i hope I can make you see, that you really do deserve to be happy. 💛

You deserve every good thing, princess. 🥹

why do you know me so well?? 

you're damn right.

i miss you. HAHAHAHAHHA 

i hetchu coz ur right HAHAHA 

kbye 😅

Lines I wish i wrote

I rememeber you asking a few times, why you.
Why it's still you, even after all these months.
And i cant remember if i gave you a straight answer. 
I just knew its still you.

But i think, this here sums up why it still is you. 💛

--------------

You made me, (and you still make me) so happy in a way that no one else can. 

Hindi ko alam kung paano mo nagagawa, it's like you have this way of making everything feel right, kahit na magulo ang mundo sa paligid ko.

(Kahit minsan magulo din sa loob ng isip ko 🥺)

You make me happy just by being you, by showing up, by sharing your thoughts, by letting me in your world.

Yung tipong kahit sa gitna ng magulong mundo, kahit may mga bagay na hindi ko kayang kontrolin, (pag kausap kita, pag andyan ka), pag kasama kita, everything just feels lighter.

You have this way of making me feel like i'm enough, like i'm seen, like i matter, and that's something i don't take for granted.

It's not just about the laughter, though that's a big part of it. It's about the way you make me feel safe, the way you listen, (and respect me, the way you value what i say), the way you understand me even when i can't find the right words. ( Its the way you make me see life differently, the way you make me love and appreciate every little thing i see and have.)

You make me happy because with you, i feel at home. Parang kahit saan pa tayo mapunta, (o kahit wala tayong puntahan) basta kasama kita, alam kong magiging okay ang lahat. 

(Kahit malalim  man or walang sense ang buong usapan, walang oras na nasayang. Kahit hypothetical what-ifs pa yan HAHAHA)

(No one else did that, no one else has made me feel this kind of joy, that kd of peace. And for that, i am endlessly grateful. )And  i hope you know, kahit hindi ko laging nasasabi, how much your presence means to me,

-------------

And how much you'll always mean to me. 🥹💛

Ps. As you can see, in your own ways  and maybe without even trying, all that is how you make me" feel. But much stronger reasons than those, are the things that "you" are. 

The same reasons, the same you that i fell in love from the start, and better. I think everything that happened made us see different sides of the both of us.

But inspite of all that, well, it's still you. 🥲

So no, i dont see myself getting tired, and i wont get tired of making you feel how special you are. 💛

hey, its the 9th. 🥲

Wala lang. Just thought its's worth remembering. Hehe

Goodnight. Matulog nako for real. 😊

well, whoever wrote this, they're kinda right.🤷🏼‍♂️

life is uncertain

you don't know what's gonna happen

you don't know who's gonna stick around

to not give something a chance is an absolute hundred percent that it will not work out

there is a risk that love might be painful

expose yourself to the possibility of hurt

because there is also a possibility that things could go right

and it could be something that's meant for you

something that brings you immense joy, immense happiness

it's about that willingness to take that leap

to know that to love is to risk.

Thank you sa mga greeting every day for the past days.

Hahahaha kaluoy sa napasubo. 

Pero i really appreciate it. 🥹

I felt you cared. Char. 🥲

Last day of the month na ugma. 

No more chats from you? Haha

Birthmonth or not, i hope you know you can always msg me, about anyyything at all. 😊

Just saying.

Ps: it's september 26. 🥲 

Nakatag.an ramn pd ka after a few tries HAHAHA di lng ka confident nga sakto ka. Lol

Anddd ni suggest naka nga mugreet every day, so ampay ra. HAHAHA 

Thank you again. You made the week extra special. 🖤

Despite my resolve to give you the peaceful, no noise, no drama, self love space that you want...

and despite the things i've read...

here i am, still missing you.

Weakshit kay sah?

If i disappear, i wonder if you'll look for me.

Or wonder where i am.

Wala lng, just a thought. 

Hi. How have you been?

5 words im hesitant to send you. Lol

But Im alsways praying all is good. 🥹

Your arm is handling it well, imong IJ is healing na.

And heart okay? 🙂

Akoa kay kuan, secret. Haha

Unsaon di pag relapse kng naa kas akong prayer pirme? Hahaha jok lng

Btaw oy, i feel the days are just flying by now

Cguro tungod ig bangon nako ditso ra work,

Then stop work only to go ditso sa bed to sleep

And then same thing the nxt day.

Balay ra jd for the past few weeks, 

very demure pd lol

Im glad naka simala bisan kadyot

But i was really looking forward to see you,

Pero tbh, i was more excited to bring u the paintings

Esp when you said you love to paint. 😊

Anyway, I know you're taking care of yourself.

Padayun. Enjoy.  🙂🤙

Last time i checked, you're in your solo happy era. 🖤

It's the 9th.

La lang. just saying. 🥲

I know maybe you dont remember and truth be told, it doesn't matter anymore.

But i still hope you have a good day today 🙂

Take care of yourself, esp your heart.🖤

I read something today,

It says "i will only exist when you need me most".

I think its reassuring ba.

it's like "do what you have to do, i won't bother you. You dont have to worry about taking/needing time or space, but know that i'll be here, and you will always have me."

Diba?

Hmm it can be interpreted different ways, but from my perspective, as someone who dont usually reach out to people or ask for help, someone who isolates when things get heavy, i find it reassuring. Like the person saying that understands that im not pushing them away intentionally but its just how am i or what i want right now.

La lng  share ko  lang. Hehe 

Hmm im glad when i see you sometimes sa stories.

Im happy that you're taking care of yourself, enjoying your alone time, prioritizing your needs. 

Im happy to see you smile and happy. 

Happy girl era yeah? 🥹🖤

Ive always prayed that for you. 🥲

Anywayss, do what you have to do. Do it alone, do it scared, do it do it once, do it again and again. Whatever those things that can make you smile and make your heart happy, go for it. 

Know that ill always be here. And yeah my offer to drive you around or take you to places still stands, in case you need it. 😊

I will exist when you need me most. 

Goodnight 🫡

I miss you brad.

Hmm i can sense something changed.

Is this you stepping back from everything and everyone?

I guess as long as you're at peace diha, and mentally well, and physically okay -- then i guess all's good.

August is over

Ber months naahhh

Few more months, and we would know each other for a year! Gaaaad, asa ang mga buwan?? 🥺

I hope you're good. 

Gadamngo diay ko nimo ganina

Naa tas imogn room.

Ga guitar raka. Nakisabay ko bisan yabag lol

And then thats all i rememeber 

Wa ko mdayun katkat Naga bukid ganina kay kadlawn nako nahoman work. 

Hmm goodnight. 

Still thinking of you  🖤

Hey im happy seeing your smile sa imong laag. 🥲

It suits you. Ive always loved ur smile. 😊

I hope you find a reason to smile everyday.

Even on the most mundane things.

Preha ramn sad ta mubo rag kalipay hehe

And you have a grateful heart and inspite of everything

It still is.

Im praying for you always.

Bisan busy sa kaau sa work, you always cross my mind.

Amping ikaw pirme. 🥲🖤

Goodnight.

I hope your day was okay. 🤍

Lami-a i adtog layo oy.

Saka ta balik busay na.

Murag kailangan kog bugnaw nga hangin ug perspective. 

Pwede man ko muadto nga wala ka.

But it's xxx times better if naa ka.

Ikaw na gud na. 🥲 Charot.

I miss you.

Diri nalng ko manabi. Bahalag wa nay mubasa. Lol 

Kay mukatawa rakag dako sa chat 😂😂😂

Mao ra to. Kbye. 😘 

Akong flying kiss di na typo. HAHAHAH 

ilym. Edited. HAHAHA

I miss you already

And you're not even gone

I wanna call you

(I just dropped you home)

I wrote you a letter

(And i deleted it after)

No matter how small I write it

There's always so much more to say

I'm not sayin' it's a competition

All I'm sayin' is

I love you more than the bad days ahead

I love you more than the nights that we (agreed to move forward separately)

Oh, I love you more

There will be times when your heart will forget

So I'll say it over and over again

So you know for sure

Darlin', I love you

More than my (bad hirits) haha

That I take too far

You roll your eyes and then smile

'Cause you know that that's just who we are

I love you sooo much more. 🥹🥲

Nice song. Hehe

random relapse, este musings

you know 
there was a time when i wondered if i was good enough for you
if i was smart enough, beautiful enough,
if i was strong enough
When you got sick, i was so caught up trying to prove to you that i can do this, i will do that,
i never bothered to pause and think if you even thought/felt that i was good enough, or if im capable at all.
you said once that you deserve someone like me in this lifetime.
I wondered,  am i good enough for your new life?
when you chose to let go of what we had, when you chose to save me from whatever future pain i'd face,
i knew in my heart that it was the most selfless act of love, 
and despite the hurt, it made me love you more.
but there was also a small part of me that wondered, if a part of the reason you had to let go 
was because you thought i wasn't strong or brave enough to handle whats coming, to be a part of the life you're moving into...
i know i had no idea how hard things were and how rough they can get down the road.
maybe its a battle i wasnt ready or equipped to fight.
But i hope you knew that back then, i would've tried, and learned, and prepared for anything, 

if it means i can offer my hand to hold as you choose to fight your battle alone. 🥲

I was going through our conversations as i was looking for a specific phrase i reference to when we first started talking, but before i know it, i found myself backreading through those early convos. 🥲 Haha

Adhd jud cguro ko, its so easy for me to get sidetracked or distracted. Or maybe its just easy when it comes to you? Lol 😅

Opening up to you was easy. Being vulnerable with you was easy. Maybe that was why falling was the easiest. Char. 

For sometime, apart from missing you, i felt i missed the conversations too. Both seryoso ug kabuang. Hehe i missed your wisdom, your wit, your humor. Brayt2x mn gud ka gud HAHAHA the emotional intelligence is high and on point too. Char. 

But i'm glad katilaw ko balik sa imong brayt2x. Hahahaha i mean kastorya tag balik 😂

Praying for you always, even if we go days/weeks without talking. 😊

Eeeyyy! It's the 9th. 🥲

Could've been the 7th month. Hahaha

Just saying. 😊

If none of this happened and it really was just withdrawal, do you think we would've reached the 7th?

Hmm i think yeah. 

I believed we were both in it for the long run.

So yeah, in an alternate universe maybe we spent tonight on a videocall or movie on a shared screen

And then maybe tomorrow mubyahe ko after work diha. Maybe with flowers in hand, maybe dinner, maybe with a bag of clothes for the weekend somewhere. Hahaha

Ka funny ba imaginon ang what ifs. 

But i know man diha lang na kutob. Sa imagination.

Anyway, this date will always have a special place in my heart. Char. 

I will never regret asking you that night if there was a question you're afraid to ask. HAHAHA 

And thank you for your bravery. 🖤

Cause I loved you even before then. 🥲

I dreamt of you today.

It has been awhile since the last.

I dont why, maybe its because when i used to picture out being in places like this, i always thought the next times are gonna be with you.

Funny kay ning mga plot twist oy.

But i know you're enjoying your alone time

I know you're enjoying the simple moments and joys they brought you

I know these moments make you focus on yourself more 

They make you love yourself more.

They show you how much there's more to love within you.

You've spent the past years loving others more, putting others first. 

And im glad this time you get to see and experience whats its like to put you first.

And im happy for you.

I wont forgive myself if i mess that up.

Hmm maybe what im trying to say is, even if i wished im experiencing moments like this with you, i know you deserve to have your own moments for yourself more.

I guess that's love? Char. Hahaha 🤭

All i know is i just want you to be you, to love yourself more, and to be happy.

Kinsa man say ingon di tika kidnappon sa mga nxt tym? 😇😂

i wonder if you still visit this. lol
i wonder if makabasa pa kas akong mga kabuang hahaha

i know what i said in June

that i'll start to move forward

because that's what you want, that's what we both need? 

that's what's best? hmmm cguro.

but right now, im just glad you're back 

i'm happy how we are

i'm happy you are able to tolerate me ug akong mga kabuang hehe

i'm just glad to still be able to see and know some parts of your day and your journey.

i hope you don't get tired sa akong mga kabuang. hahaha

hirits are half meant HAHAHA 🤭😇

but for now, let's just leave it at that. lol

i miss you. char. hahhaha 😊

ps. whether you grow your hair or not, either one looks good on you. way joke. 😊🤙

Angas you is gwapoooo 🙈😂 HAHAHAHA but whichever mas confident ka and mas happy looking at the mirror and your selfies, that's what i'll vote for. ayeeeah hahahaha 😂😂😂

- still-calm-but-slightly-crazy-for-you 😇🥲

Why do i miss you, when i've just spent a lot of time with you? Whyyyyy 😩🤦🥹🥹🥹😭

Sakto jud, nabuang na jud ka dzai HAHAHAA 🙇😂😂😂

From the drafts. Hahaha but i think i posted this monthssss ago.

Still holds true though. 😊

I know it was just for a couple of months, but im not gonna lie, those were some of the happiest and most peaceful months i've ever had. 🥲🤷🏼‍♂️ 

Thank you, for making me feel so loved and so happy. My heart was full. 😊💛 And whether we're together or not, you will always have a place in it. 🫡