random relapse, este musings

you know 
there was a time when i wondered if i was good enough for you
if i was smart enough, beautiful enough,
if i was strong enough
When you got sick, i was so caught up trying to prove to you that i can do this, i will do that,
i never bothered to pause and think if you even thought/felt that i was good enough, or if im capable at all.
you said once that you deserve someone like me in this lifetime.
I wondered,  am i good enough for your new life?
when you chose to let go of what we had, when you chose to save me from whatever future pain i'd face,
i knew in my heart that it was the most selfless act of love, 
and despite the hurt, it made me love you more.
but there was also a small part of me that wondered, if a part of the reason you had to let go 
was because you thought i wasn't strong or brave enough to handle whats coming, to be a part of the life you're moving into...
i know i had no idea how hard things were and how rough they can get down the road.
maybe its a battle i wasnt ready or equipped to fight.
But i hope you knew that back then, i would've tried, and learned, and prepared for anything, 

if it means i can offer my hand to hold as you choose to fight your battle alone. 🥲