So how things have been...

hi beh

Musta namn ka diha 

I hope you're okay, i mean that in the best way, whatever okay feels like for you 🥲

I hope imong sessions are going better pd, 

nga wala na nausab nga naputol tungod sa hypo

I saw story nimo sa danao church, 

im glad naka church pd ka 

Hmm im not sure if na mention nako before katong gi final interview nako pg augst, na ka JO nako. 🙏

Ka 3 ko nangaply ani nga comp so murag gisugtan na jd ko ni Lord nga didto. 

Start nako tom. 

Pero, kay murag apil.mn jd tas strong soldiers pirme ani

Gisugod sd kog hilanat ug kalibang sukad tuesdy.

So mao to, pg friday ng pa ER nalng ko para matauran IV kay dehydrated namn ko. 

Pero wala lng sah jd ko pa admit lng kay madala ramn meds ug hydrate lng, nya samot di ko kasud if admitted diba

So karon gacge pako tambal, 

wala na fever kaluoy sa ginoo pero luya pa mn oy. 

Kada gawas nko cr puypoy ug bug.at kau lawas. 

Cge rako ligid ig saka 😢

So ending ani basin muhangyo lng ko move lgn start date

Kay di ko kaimagine naas ofis ug sa gawas all day nya ingani.

Labad pd akong ulo sahay, nglibog ko kgn tungod sa dehydration or side efect sa tambal kay kabasa ko usa pd raba.

Hays so mao to. Ahak. Sorry nanabi namn nuon kog maau. I know its not critical and in a few days il be fine.

So hopefully, and praying mka start na sd sa work intawn. 

Pero yeah, i still thought about you.

I miss picking you up diha, planned or spontaneously

I miss our food trips 🥲

The roadtrips while we blast your music

And mga tambay sa dagat at sunsets. 🥹

I miss the live access to your singing sessions maski pugsunon kaau pakantahon irl

I miss talking with you about anything in the car, on the sand, in any place we go to

I missed you but i missed our friendship too.

So im back to writing letters that i wont know if you'll ever get to read. 

Anyway, taaas na pud ni. Carried away napud. When you read this, maybe ive already recovered, or maybe ngkakita natag usab or maybe i dunno. 

Il take care, i promise. Glitch ra ni sa system. Lol

If you need anything aside sa prayers (or even more prayers), You know how and where to reach me ha.

Don't hesitate. No matter what, no matter the time, i'll always be glad to hear from you. 🥲

Take care of yourself pd pirme diha. ❤️‍🩹

Not that deep.

I miss you.

Theres a lot i wanted to say lately but di ko kaporma

I dunno, maybe bec of the last long one i wrote,

Basin ma carried away nasad ko.

But just wanna say i miss you. 

I miss your face, your rolling eyes, your voice, your laugh, your smile.

Oh how i miss your smile.

For now, il.leave it at that - shallow, aesthetic.

Because if i start going deep and started listing down everything else i miss about you, mugawas nya pgkahimi. 

Even on days that i dont cross your mind,

I still hope and pray that you're okay, so do me a favor and always take care of yourself ha please. 🥲

Maybe one day, we can go.to one of those escapes again. Maybe. 🙏💛

The longest letter yet, i think.

I miss you.

I still miss you everyday, you know.

But i guess no matter how i tried to deny it

A part of me have always known that in this chapter of your story im not what you need, or what you want.

Especially not a relationship.

But i realize that i can respect and accept all that and still be here for you.

Maybe not in a romantic, lover way

Or at least not anymore

But ill be the constant presence in your life that you can go back to

Or if you ever decide that u need or want extra hands in the weight your've been carrying

Or in the mindwar you're fighting

Yes, i have my own wars too, but i'll always have space for you.

Since we met and since i fell in love with you, i have already included you, not just in my prayers, but in the future that i have hoped to lived.

And despite the plot twist that happened in your life and the possibility of a shorter future with you, i still wanted to spend that and make a good life out of it with you.

But i know and have slowly accepted that what i want might not be what you need and want for yourself and your life too.

It wouldnt be fair to put that pressure on you

And more importantly, it would stand against everything else that i promised you.

The promise that i made thay ill be your peace and shoulder and safe place when the world is too much.

So now i know that I cant be too much for you too, 

I cant be another cross that you have to carry.

And i know it wouldnt be fair for me too.

You know that right?

You always reminded me before not to put my life and heart on pause if God forbid that He takes you

And i used to always fear for that day. 

I used to only feel fear of losing you, that i found myself settling for any place in your life, any amount of space.

And i dont regret that, bec being in a place where i get to love you and care for you and witness your life is worth it.

But i guess now, even if the fear of losing you is still there,

I have come to realize that its not about losing you, or living in fear that I’ve lost you.

It’s about surrender maybe? And acceptance? 

accepting things as they are, and still holding love for you.

The kind of love i have for you doesn’t just disappear just because you’re not here with me or bec well never be back togerhter. I guess it just shifts? It changes. 

It becomes something more freer i guess?

Its no longer about holding on to what was and what we used to be, but more about being grateful that I get to love you at all. 🥺

I can still love you and be happy that youre still here, for the life you get to live, even if it’s not with me.

Im trying to be at peace in knowing you’re right there safe, trying your best, breathing, and being brave to face every day despite everything you're feeling.

So maybe not being with you isn’t about loss

Its about letting you be. It’s loving you without pressure, without hope, without needing to wait to be loved back.

Its being thankful to God that we met and i get to have that love for you and that you exist in my world at all.

I'll always thank God that we met in this lifetime.

When we broke up i asked God why and if that was it.

Some days i even wondered if the timing was wrong or if it was perfect. Because we were both exactly what we needed, in that chapter that we had. 

Maybe we both had all that love to give and we both deserved to pour into each others cup.

I used to wonder how my life in the last 2 years wouldve been if u were not in it, and i wonder how yours wouldve been if i wasnt in it.

So yeah, i very much believe God's timing and plans are always perfect.

So no matter where our lives are going right now, or whether we talk again in days or weeks or months,

I trust that, all of that is aligned with God's plan for both of us. I wont believe that its not.

I'll never stop praying for you and your health.

That will never change.

And if you ever feel ready to get that KT, know that i wasnt kidding and i will stay true to my promise. 🥲

If by God's grace i turn out to be a match, i would do it.

Nothing would mean more to me than knowing I could help keep you here with us, safe and alive. ❤️‍🩹